Contemplating the Navel

photo courtesy of
photo courtesy of

I’ve been out of the loop for a short while, contemplating my navel.

Things got too much to manage, (mentally and emotionally, anyway), so I took a break.  Well, we took a break, my hubby, son and I – not going anywhere, just hanging out at home, but a break nonetheless.

It was a planned holiday period, anyway, but usually we work through such times, catching up on all the things that have not been done to date – spring cleaning, mending and repairs, etc .

The wall of obstacle that hit us like a ‘ton of bricks’ and diverted all our plans was that our grandchildren were suddenly withheld from us, and our disabled adult son, (their father),  who lives with us, has not been able to spend any of the school holidays with them.

A battle still looms, there, to fight once more for his rights, but the problem shattered us all.  We’d thought we were through past difficulties, and suddenly they’ve loomed again.  We felt like the brightness had disappeared, and the ache in our guts that followed made working on anything difficult.

I had so many tasks planned but have completed few of them.  They suddenly became too daunting, too draining, and we really needed spiritual rejuvenation and replenishment.  So we put most of our tasks on hold.  (Most, though not all.  The business needs to be run at any time. We couldn’t really walk away from that).

Instead, we gave ourselves up to ordinary days.  We left unnecessary tasks waiting.

We have lazed and watched television, catching up on shows recorded throughout the past year when we were too busy working to watch them, spending time listening to the birdsong and watching blue butterflies flit around our garden, and listening to cicadas sing choral masterpieces at the end of each very hot and muggy day.  Ordinary moments.

We have lazed, and listened to the peaceful silence in our home, that did not compete this time with the noise and laughter of children in it – and not being so distracted we heard instead the voices of nature all around us, and the sounds of life in the world.

Slowly, we moved past the ‘gut aches’, and we began to enjoy the slower pace of life.  We began to enjoy it so much, even the business tasks were falling behind.

Then, as these tasks were not done, the negative thoughts too quickly arose.  Do we want to ply the business, still?  Do we want to live such a large and demanding life?  Is the effort worth it?  What if we just cut down and cut back to something more manageable, something less demanding, something more ‘ordinary’?

But the business still called with each sale, and with each delivery of new products, and we realized that this was not the answer – giving up – that we love what we do, and that in the process we are living what we believe in.  So the business is still going on.

It was a wake up call, nevertheless, because in those moments of ‘winding down’ and at least partially ‘giving up.’ we were suddenly faced with our smallness in the scheme of things.

We sat with those ideas a while, because they really went nowhere, and we knew they were negative, but in observance of the world around us we found ourselves discussing ‘how the other half lives.’ 

We found ourselves, then, wondering how people could go through life ‘half blind’, ‘half asleep’, ‘living on shallow levels’, when so much beauty and connection is all around them.  Because for us, even at the ‘bottom of our valley’, we could not help but see it everywhere.

Then it struck me.  If God is us and we are God, and all life around us, in us, above and below, is divine, then even though there is so much of this that is extraordinary, that is marvelous, that is superb and amazing and delectable, there is probably at least 80 per cent that is just ‘plain ordinary life’.

In one of our musings, for instance, we wondered how the society we live in today could watch what we thought were inane reality television shows, where people do the most absurd and ordinary things.  How could such shows make it to prime time viewing slots?  How could such ordinary people be so viewable?

And then we got it.  If we are God and God is us, and God spends 80 per cent of its mind imagining people who take toilet breaks, pick their noses, wipe their boots, etc., and finds all those scenarios so interesting that they are kept in production, generation after generation, then isn’t God the original reality show groupie?

It fit with a reading I did not long after the ‘gutaches’ began churning.  I felt so lost and helpless, (albeit temporarily), and doubted myself so much because here we were again facing problems and difficulties – unable to sort them – only able to live through them, (hopefully) – and I lost faith in myself and my abilities for a moment, (even though I had plenty of evidence of them stretching out behind me).

The question I asked in the reading was what the hell was I doing on Earth and what was my task, and was I worthy enough for anything if I couldn’t handle the sort of breakdown that was happening, if I fell apart and got undermined when even one ‘brick’ fell out of my ‘building‘?

The reading declared that God loves us all, and loves us no matter what we do or who we think we are.

God is not interested in the status quo, or what problems or difficulties or emotional scenes we face in life.

God does not care if we have personality flaws or troubles with others, or struggle to maintain the balance in our lives.

God just loves us, anyway, all the time, and always will.

I knew it was the truth.  It made me go quiet, thinking about that.

It made me remember other messages in my past, when God told me, then, that I didn’t have to be anything or become anyone, that all I had to do was exist.

In existing, I fulfilled my purpose.  In existing, I became I AM.

Necessary battles still lie ahead of us.  Work tasks still call.  A multitude of other tasks are still waiting to be ticked off our agendas. But we have enjoyed this summer time, blowing hot and cold though the weather has been – scorching sun and days of drenching rain – a typical tropical summer.

In these moments of quietude we have reconnected with our souls, felt smiles flit across our faces, enjoyed lazy moments patting the joyous snuggly bodies of our cats and dogs, and had many moments of simple nestling together in our lovely home.

We have counted our blessings, and no matter what the future holds, that has been a gift.  Just BEING.  Just living the moments with as much peace and serenity as we could muster.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine


photo courtesy of
photo courtesy of

If you’re wondering why my blogs have dwindled to a trickle, it’s because I am dealing with what feels like overwhelming personal issues right now.

These are of a level that rattle even the best inspirations and philosophies.

There is often a deep sadness that wells in my throat, my eyes, and my heart, and even as I try to manage it and realign to better modes, it is just there and is not going away, because the sadness is grief.

Because it is grief, it cannot be submerged or let go.  It can only be lived through.

I can let go of the situations that caused the grief and put them into correct perspective.  I can let go of the people who have now deliberately left my life and move on without them.  But it is much harder to accept that a piece of my heart has died.  It takes time for the ‘heartwood‘ to grow new ‘sap lines‘ for nourishment when the ‘tree‘ has been attacked.

There is an ash tree in my garden that was split in two by lightning in the last big storms we had.  We propped up the split halves because there was still a joining at the base, and the branches on the split trunks still thrived with green leaves.  But even with the propping, and hoping that the tree would bridge such a dramatic gap, nothing seems to be happening.

If we leave the tree like that and it doesn’t bridge the gap, the gap will fill with debris that will eventually rot the heartwood and bring disease to the tree.  So now we have decided to cut off the part that needs to be propped, and to see if the part that is left will be strong enough to heal itself and keep growing.

The tree is already forever changed by the split.  The scars are forever there even if we remove the part that can no longer stay up by itself.

Even in its new configuration, the tree will never be what it might have been, had it never been shattered by a lightning bolt event.

This is where I am at, too.  The parts I am hanging on to are still thriving but can  no longer be a real part of my life.  If I keep trying to heal the wounds, all I will do is encourage disease.  I have to let go.  I have to remove the connections that would destroy me.  And that is why I am grieving.

Of course, in all such scenarios, with a reduced form, there is the question of whether the ‘tree‘ will survive, anyway.  But at least it is still standing – that half, anyway – and only time will tell.  (And in the case of the ash tree, we will make good use of the wood, turning it into something beautiful, eventually – as all things past, good or bad, should become).

There are some who say that at times like these people should seek counseling or therapy, or some kind of healing, but truth to tell I have plenty of this.  I am a ‘healer’, myself, so I know how to access healing.  I am in touch with my ‘guides‘, so I have plenty of advice.  I’m just not happy with the advice I’m being given, and  I need time to grieve and time for ‘healing‘ to take effect.

In the past, I have seen other people for counseling and healing services.  They like to say that it’s best to talk about things with others, to let the overwhelming feelings out, but in my lifetime I have learned that doing so is not always a good thing.

What I learned is that when I tell others of the darker things that have happened or are happening in my life, they may listen sympathetically to a point but then they begin to paint my character with the brush of darkness.

Even where the dark things have happened because of other people and events outside my control, and not because of who I am or what I did, I ended up being further victimized by the judgement the others I communicated with placed on me.

I’m not sure if that happens with everyone, but it does happen to me, and I have come to the conclusion that my empathic abilities imbue my words with such intense power that in the end this is all those who hear them remember.  And when that intense power is focused on recalling the darkness that has beset me, then the darkness they feel in my words is all they are left with – not logic, not objectivity, and not compassion or sympathy.

I can rail at their misconceptions and misunderstandings but it does no good.  Talking with others about the things that hurt me usually ends up just making the hurt worse.  So I try to keep these private things to myself, these days.  They’re not anyone’s business but mine.  They are for me to deal with, alone.

As well, by focusing energy on those things at all, they become worse.  Where the mind focuses, there is power.   By focusing on the darker elements in my life, I give them power over me.  And then my gut churns all day long.

I’m all for truth and facing the darkness, but the human mental and emotional bodies can only take so much.  Such darkness needs to be in small doses, not a bombardment that lays you under persistent siege and wears you down.  That’s when dis-ease sets in.

I’m older now.  I have to take better care of myself if I am to live the life I want to live.  There is no time to waste on negatives for long.  But what can you do when, despite all your best efforts, events keep conspiring against you to bring you down?

The guidance I am given is to hang in there, and the future will be better.  But the future is not now.  The future does not deal with the pressure and pain I need to handle at this time, in this moment.

I have been trying to redirect my energies.  But I’ve stopped working on creating things for our business at present, because I don’t want anyone else to pick up any of the pain and sense of helplessness I am going through.

Everything I create takes on some of the energy I create it with.  I know that I will do more down the track, and that will be okay, then, but for now I need to get a handle on myself.  So I am working with what already is, in the business, and am taking  a short break from creating, at least for others.

On the other hand, I am halfway through another great artwork in my home, and now have streams of flying birds traveling in drifts and circles across the large ceiling space that spans my family room, dining area, and kitchen.

When I began it, my husband was concerned.  He thought it would be ‘too busy.’  When I was halfway through attaching the vinyl cutouts that are the birds, I got concerned myself, thinking it was bringing the height of the ceiling down.  But now all the birds are up, there is this great sense of movement and space, and energy.  It’s a good thing.  Not bad.

I’ve also been catching up on getting my rampant garden under control.  It’s been good to rediscover its well laid plan and the plants that have thrived in our very wet summer this year.

I’m okay when I’m doing these things, until I remember those who are no longer with me – those who once shared these spaces, who I would have shared these activities with in conversation, who I enjoyed having in my life as loving companions… (at least, who I thought were loving companions).  Then the sadness wells up from deep inside, again.

All will be well, eventually.  My creative energies are strong.  Truth to tell, not much has changed in my life, apart from having to face the fact that these were my love investments and my hopeful aspirations for the future of them, not theirs.

It is also hard to see those I love, who are still present in my life, suffering because of the actions of those who have left.  But life is about change, and change is a constant even when you think you have established safety and security.

All life is a whirl.  So I am waiting to see what happens, and leaving such motions in the ‘hand of destiny‘.  I will do what I need to do, until my heart is once more feeling the fullest joy of life.

In one of my ‘guidance‘ sessions, I talked with Shiva. This vedic god is known for his blue throat, because he drank the poisons of the world to save creation from its own machinations.

In the strivings of life, as people try to find their own ‘nectar of the gods‘, they often stir up deadly poisons with their selfishness.  And once that poison is set free, it cannot always be contained or dealt with, especially by those who released it.

They, too, can feel helpless that the actions they took to better themselves and their lives ended up releasing poison that could ruin everything.

The story of Shiva is that, by remembering that he is immortal and divine and not part of the destinies of the world or cosmos except by choice, he could make a sacrifice of himself by drinking the poison and removing it from the world – thereby ensuring that the goodness and prosperity that was sought was all that was left, and that those who brought it forth could enjoy it.

Sometimes, we have to make a sacrifice of ourselves so others can prosper.

That does mean accepting pain, because poison naturally brings pain with it.  And it does mean becoming forever marked by the poison, just as Shiva has been forever marked.  But just because you accept and take on the poison others send your way does not make you ‘bad’.  Shiva remains pure even though he bears the ‘mark‘ of poisoning.

Accepting the poison being sent your way does not mean you are ‘bad‘ and they are not.  It just means that deflecting or rejecting the poison does not help anyone, and neither does blaming those who send it.  All that can be done with such poison is to transmute it.

I know people who deal with the curses of others by cursing back.  But if you curse those who send curses, or rebound their curses back to them, their curses only escalate because they will be in even more pain and darkness, and acting upon their reactions to that.

The only way to remove a curse in action is to accept it and recycle its energy into something blessed.  And by doing so, you bless the cursers and help them find the harmony and prosperity they need to stop cursing.

That does not necessarily bring them back to you as companions in camaraderie.  Shiva spends most of his life alone, contemplating the cosmos, and only has a small circle of family to engage a worldly life with.

The joy in such sacrifice is not in bringing people back together who perhaps should not be together.  The joy is in ensuring that the poisons will no longer harm anyone and that life can be the beautiful place it is meant to be for all.

So I will keep my darker stories to myself, and will deal with them in private, knowing I am strong enough to do so, and that with time and cosmic contemplation I will transmute them into a different energy.

Curses  are just a manifestation of power and all power is neutral until shaped by a vessel of desire and intention.  The same electricity that powers the kettle you boil water to brew a cup of tea with also powers the chain saw that cuts down a tree.

I will absorb the curses currently denigrating my life and use the power to create blessings – and then watch out for the run of ‘happy buddha beads‘ I make after that, because they will be absolutely superb !

Love and blessings to all those suffering in any way in this universe.  Bear up.  Keep your eyes open for the ‘fireflies in the darkness‘, lighting the way.  The dawn is coming.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine


Muffy, the Pi Xiu Temple Lion Dog

Muffy rhe Shih Tzu with Pixiu
Muffy the Shih Tzu with Pixiu. Photo copyright by Lilipily Spirit

The temple dog, also called the lion dog, is well known in the western world as a ‘fu dog‘ and its stylized form is called a snow lion in Tibet, where it is seen as the protector of Buddha.

This beautiful hand carved talisman, made from aloeswood, is said to bring protection, good luck, and the removal of woes and obstacles.

The Shi Tzu dog looks most like this brave and devoted mythical animal and we have always thought of our son’s dog, Muffy, as our own personal Pi Xiu – a guardian angel who fills our hearts with joy and encouragement, (she is the special darling of our adult disabled son., bringing constant light and love into his life).

You can never be afraid, sad, or lack courage when Muffy is around!

Photo copyright by Lilipily Spirit


Photo copyright by Lilipily Spirit




Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine