I have been having some problems with my heart. It’s not the first time.
Many years ago, I was close to death because of an arrhythmia. I was given medication, then, to bring the beat back under control and should have been on that medication for the rest of my life. But after a year, I took myself off the medication, and have had no real problems since.
Recent health problems and outside stresses and pressures appear to have over-stimulated my heart again. It’s not quite an arrhythmia but it’s fast enough to be of concern.
I’ve been trying to heal myself with natural therapies and nurturing, this time – remembering how the medications I took years ago had such a bad effect on me. (Which is why I took myself off them as soon as I felt able to).
My husband is concerned I’m ‘playing with death‘, (especially since I previously had a ‘small’ heart attack), but for me death comes to us all, eventually. I do not believe I will die one moment earlier or later than when I am meant to die.
I am aware, however, that the quality of my life until my death is a mutable number of measure. It’s at least partially up to me as to whether I live my life in good health or bad, in good mind or bad, and especially in good spirit or bad.
My belief is also that if I am unable to control these factors, and they must be controlled by people or forces outside myself, then that is when ‘fate‘ or ‘destiny‘ is at work. All I feel I can do under those circumstances is to ‘wait things out‘ and ‘go with the flow‘.
Left to my own devices, though, I often don’t ‘go with the flow‘. I often ‘swim upstream‘ against the current.
I am often trying to ‘fit too many hours in a day‘, (which may also account for the speeding of my heart).
To keep myself in balance, I have a daily ritual of praying with my prayer beads (mala) and reciting mantras. It’s a way of focusing on the energies I want to establish in my life, with the help of my spirit and divine mentors.
For some time, now, despite my best efforts and most positive affirmations, I have felt very assailed, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, after just trying to live through that and not seeming to get anywhere, I’ve recently been calling for more ‘help‘ than usual.
The result was quickly evident as I found the energy that had been lagging, and set to work ‘catching up on things’ I had not been able to do so well, before.
I was very grateful. But now I am paying the cost for this gift.
Having received it, I pushed myself too hard. I did not use the energy wisely but instead ‘burned myself out‘.
How can a gracious gift from the divine come with such a cost, you may ask?
Well, in my belief system – in the divine mind, there is no such thing as time or space.
In our universe, physical manifestation can only be ‘real‘ in time and space, so physical manifestation is not ‘real‘ to the divine because it exists in time and space.
I am therefore just a vision in the mind of the divine, and treated in the same way we invest in our own visions.
Some we pay attention to, some we don’t. Those we pay attention to become ‘real‘ only for as long as we dwell on them, and then dissipate.
When I asked for help, I believe this spurred a thought process in the mind of the divine, which wondered ‘what if‘ and then dwelled on that.
That ‘thread of thought‘ gave me what I wanted with no regard for the consequences, because in the mind of the divine there are no consequences. I am not ‘real’. I am just a figment of divine imagination.
Thus, I got what I wanted, and I got more than I wanted. And a lesson was learned.
(Which is what I believe is the key of our ‘existence’ – learning about the consequences of relationship with any element in our ‘manifest existence’… What we learn, the divine learns, about itself…)
So what was the lesson I learned (…or reaffirmed) ? Timing.
It is said that all things in the ‘manifest universe‘ happen in their ‘own time and place’, when they are ready.
Pushing those limitations may sometimes seem to be a good thing, because say – for instance – a door is stuck closed, and needs to be forced open so that traffic can go through again…
In the mind of the divine, however, the door is created from elements confined by the ‘laws‘ that shape the ‘physical universe‘. Like all elements in the physical universe, it is therefore as prone to change as any element of vision. In time, it dissipates – elements naturally break down and become something else, (like crumbling dust on the floor).
(The same in-built ‘laws of change’ will also see our bodies eventually die).
In my mind, the divine sees no need to force things, because change is inevitable.
We, however, do not have immortal bodies, so time is important to us. (While the divine may think we are just figments of its imagination, we feel very ‘real’ to ourselves!) As our bodies degrade with age, time is especially precious. If we have things we still want to do, there is a feeling that time is ‘running out‘.
Pushing open a stuck door can have consequences. Maybe a hinge comes off. Maybe the door was swollen and needs planing to move freely again. Maybe the lock doesn’t work so well after it has been busted open.
Our bodies are like that, too. When the natural state of things is forced, there are consequences to deal with.
When we force our way through time, trying to get more done than we can naturally do whilst keeping all else in balance and harmony, there are consequences.
In praying for more energy, because I did not want to spend too long resting and rejuvenating, or did not want to wait for more progress to arrive in its own good time, I got what I wanted. The door was forced open. But now things are racing ahead, and that includes my own heart…
Timing, therefore, is something we should all take into account.
Maybe that, too, is why such spiritual paths as Buddhism and Taoism espouse ‘living in the moment‘.
When you are ‘living in the moment‘, you are not thinking about the past, when you did so many things you now feel you have to live up to, and you are not thinking about the future, where you feel you have to make it measure up to or be more than your past. You are just being alive, moment to moment, and experiencing the fullness of each second. Just like Nature does.
Now, my own rashness and over-compelling desires have left me with the consequences of living in a human body in a physical world. I was my own ‘worst enemy‘ and so, despite wanting to keep progressing, I am now forced to rest and recover.
Even metaphysical healing takes time in the ‘real‘ world.
There are positives, though. I have more time to watch the beautiful green and red ‘king‘ parrots sitting in the jacaranda tree growing beside our lounge room patio, who are taking turns to feed on the honey-soaked birdseed cake hanging off the rustic bird house, hanging there.
With that sort of view, rest can be delightful!
(P.S. To those who might be concerned about my health, I’m not completely silly… I am also seeing a doctor to get things checked, just in case I do need some ‘outside help’ this time… It doesn’t hurt to have back up).