Category Archives: Thoughts and Ideas

Curses, and maybe how to deal with them…


I was reading an e-mail subscription post from Mercedes Kirkel today.  She channels Mary Magdalene and is a tantric teacher.

It was interesting because I had a deep conversation yesterday during a meeting with pagan friends about curses and how to deal with them.

While that is not exactly the subject that Mary Magdalene was addressing through Mercedes, what she spoke of touched me deeply and lit a light bulb.

Because while I have been under assailment, the dilemma of course is how do you deal with such things when you believe all energy is recyclable and never truly destroyed, and where you would rather be transforming such negative energy into something positive and sending it back out into the universe to be used for some other purpose?

That is much harder than it reads, especially where you are under attack by people once close to you and whom you still hold dear in your heart but those people never change from their negative passive aggressive tactics – and where you are actually physically suffering over and over with body ailments or things going wrong in your working or home environment because of them.

On one hand, you don’t want to hurt those people because you still do care about them, but at the same time you just want all the crap to stop happening, and then you can begin to entertain thoughts of more traditional ways of handling such things in the magical arena – like protection spells, thwarting, and even enjoining the battle by rebounding the barbs of curse.

But what Mary Magdalene said through Mercedes is that all such pain and difficulty is your own to deal with.   It’s not something to send back to or lay at the feet of others to deal with, by themselves.

Now, that is quite an alternative view for dealing with curses because, as I wrote above, the traditional way people see curses is as something to be thwarted or got rid of, and even totally destroyed.

Which is probably why I don’t seem to manage to protect myself so well, simply because I thoroughly believe in the interconnection of all things and all energies, and don’t fully align to destruction – though as an artist and someone also invested in tantric themes, I do understand the necessity of death and destruction as a process of re-creation.

Maybe it’s just a hang up on the word, because I have a lot of history with death and destruction, and when you have been through such processes too many times you kind of shudder at the words, thereafter.

But aligning to a concept that says that even if the feelings, illness, assailments or curses come from others, they are actually yours to deal with, and not just something to send back to the sender, is really food for thought.  Because that concept hails to the basic gist of the universeyou are another me, all is one.

When you get that basic gist, then the best way to deal with such curses and assailments is to deal with them as if they belong to you, because in dealing with them as if they belong to you then the interlinks between yourself and your assailers carry the results of how you deal with such things back to them.

So your cursers also receive the results of how you realign your body and your life – and you therefore spread your realignment to wellness to them, as well.

In that way, you are not just dealing with a localised problem or difficulty, but become part of the greater whole and part of a planetary or universal whole body healing mode.

By healing your enemies through healing yourself and your own life, you contribute to the greater good of these realms and the divine body of the source, itself.

Think of how you realign on spiritual levels, if you are at least semi-enlightened in your being.

When things normally assail us in life, we may at first get under the weather, set back, or even pissed off, but the enlightenment reasserts itself and we realign, remember our inner energy and truths, get ourselves back on track and deal with such things not only pragmatically, but by allowing our inner glow to kick in until it envelops our environment and blows away the cobwebs and dust.

While we have to keep reasserting such modes because the reality laws of the universe we live in keeps reasserting the game play, it is possible to manage such conditions and maintain a good connection with the better modes of life, even if we still have to deal with the ongoing predicaments.

And that may be what Mary Magdalene is suggesting through Mercedes, too.  Because if we really do accept that all that exists, whether plant, animal, or mineral, and definitely other people, are all expressions of the divine source and are all alternative expressions, therefore, of ourselves, then we really do need to accept that dealing with such curses and assailments is for us to do, if we are feeling or experiencing them – and not something to just rebound on the sender.

If we really know our truths, if we truly are as empowered as we believe we are, and if we are as connected to the divine source as we believe ourselves to be, then the fact is that the only one who can truly deal with such negative energies and who has the power to transform them into a better mode that can be used much more functionally by the universe elsewhere is ourself.

That is why it is for us to deal with – not our assailants.

If we have the ability to self-heal or heal others, or to use magic at all, then we have the ability to really deal with what may come, even if it comes from others or from outside forces.

The only key we need to turn to do that is the key of our self-realisation, so that we fully stand in our truths and are not just remembering or mouthing them.  Because in that moment that we stand in that light and glow with it, all things become possible – and instead of hitting back at our assailants in a physical battle of negative energies, we can instead imbue the world with an artistic recycling – of reshaping the bad energies by finding their alternative light and capitalising on it.

I have to say that while this has twigged a light bulb moment in me, I’m not sure how it will process for me as time goes by. It is far too easy to let the physical realm impose on our lives and to align with the gamepiece of our physical, mental and emotional personas.

In my case, I can space out so much in a state of acceptance of such assailments that I forget to look after myself at all – almost as if I deserve to suffer for the others.   And a clear indicator for me of that martyr mode of not looking after myself is when I start saying, ‘Oh well, we all have to die some time…‘  But that is just another way of letting the curses embed instead of dealing with them effectively.

So such modes of deliberate transformation probably have to be asserted again and again.

I’m sure that is why many people find it helpful to be part of groups that enable that sense of self-empowerment that you need to work with this process, like churches, temples, etc.

But in the mode of remembering our interconnection with all things, including people and spirit, then we are never really disconnected or alone.

We are therefore never really handling things all by ourselves.  

The energy to do what needs to be done, or to get the inspiration and guidance we need to do what needs to be done, comes whenever we deliberately focus on that interconnection and draw what we need from the pool of it through the cosmic energy access within ourselves.,

Even so, such energy is directed through our fragile human bodies – so even if we know how to find our inner sun and spread its transformational glow, having to keep reasserting such modes upon the negative energies that assail us takes a lot of deliberate focus and can be draining, at least temporarily.

But then, that is what self-mastery means.  We discipline ourselves to do what needs to be done.  And we do that, day after day, moment by moment, whenever and wherever it needs to be done, for however long it takes.

There’s no time limit on that.  It is a process that can be life long.  But the results can be awesome.

And the best results are when you see your enemies change into better people who are no longer bothered with the negative agendas that assailed you.

And while I have focused here on personal assailments and curses, it is my belief that the same modes can be used on all levels of existence, and with all types of entities.

Stand in your light and let no thought of yours or mode of others sully it.

Know your truth and let no negative thought waylay it.

Be the divine being you truly are, that is inherent in your every cell.   And simply GLOW the positive ince of you into your world.

Thwart the curses by deliberately and responsibly rebalancing and realigning yourself.

And keep on doing that even if the darn things keep coming back…

Be the Master of all you purvey.  Be the World you want to live in.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine


photo by Lianne
photo by Sean

I hope sharing this story doesn’t put you off, but I had some trouble last Friday…

It started okay… Went to lunch with my son and then went shopping in a warehouse hardware store for solar panel skylights to brighten the dark spots in the windowless central kitchen of my home.

All went well until I decided to get a cold drink from a stall outside while my son was still chatting to someone in the store, and the mature woman behind the counter saw fit to tell me I should be getting a diet drink because too much sugar was bad for me… So I had a small and uncomfortable interaction with her, as I explained that I could not drink diet drinks as the chemicals in them were bad for my fibromyalgia and attacked my muscles.

She instantly replied that sugar drinks were not good for diabetes, too – to which I retorted (a little annoyed) that I may be fat but I do not have diabetes, and sugar is all about moderation… And then my eyes wanted to roll back in my head when her response was to get upset that I was questioning her knowledge, and felt she had to declare that she taught the subject of sugar intake to teenagers.

(I held my tongue, then, because I have had years of study and working with nutrition, myself, and did not want to get into an argument on that level… but later I also remembered that people with diabetes should never drink diet drinks, anyway, because aspartame stuffs up the insulin cycle… For those who think I should have got water, by the way, there was none available).

That was the first rattle of the day, and I went to my car wondering how the heck someone could be so arrogant as to lecture a stray stranger that way, without any knowledge about them at all (and not even listening to the tidbits supplied)?

The drum rolls of the day were not finished, though, and later, as I was backing out of my carpark space I heard a massive ‘crunch‘.  Another car had met the rear corner of my car, backing out at the same time I was.

I’d barely been able to register what had happened when a woman was at my passenger window, yelling past the surprised face of my disabled son, saying that I wasn’t looking where I was going.

Well, I disagreed with that.  I am always extremely careful in shop carparks, because people don’t seem to care for their own welfare these days, and anyone can walk behind your car just as you’re moving.  So I’d been very careful to check before slowly backing out.

I thought it was completely clear, and was thoroughly surprised that an accident had happened – but immediately put it down to ‘missing something‘, because hey, I’m a fallible human being… But the woman did not even stop to take a breath as she continued to castigate me through the window.

I wound the window down, which allowed her to almost poke her head in, making her tirade worse – but I needed to ask her to move her car away from mine, because I’d tried to move back into my carpark, until I felt the extreme grab of her car in my bumper and knew more damage would be done if I pushed it.

The woman did not listen and kept claiming that the police needed to come, and that she would not move her car until they did.

Well, our cars were blocking both lanes of the entry and exit to front of the warehouse, so I explained to her that it was not a police matter because no one had been injured.

She kept ranting and raving, and it was quite obvious that she was a foreigner living in Australia because of her accent, and her attitude was extremely poor toward Australians, who she thought were all idiots.

This put my back up.  I have come across this sort of racism before from Europeans living in my country and it always pisses me off when I see or hear it (though I usually try not to respond to it).

I tend to wonder at people who think our country and services are good enough to come live in and use, but then abuse the people who have built it all up so they can enjoy them.  For me, you don’t go to another person’s ‘house‘ to stay and treat them like they are idiots in being generous enough to let you in.

(Plus, there is a bit of history in my reactions to this, as I married into a ‘foreign’ family, where my husband’s parents initially treated me as an inferior because I was Australian – third generation from immigrant Irish-Scottish-English-German farmers who were never convicts, actually – but born here, so my sire line apparently doesn’t count).

Despite my best efforts, I began to raise my own voice, (which was probably helped along by the previous ‘poking’ from the woman at the stall).

So, there were these two older women (me and her) in the carpark, blocking the traffic and yelling at each other across their cars… And into the fray came a young woman from the hardware store, trying to calm things down.

At first, I was happy with the intercession since she did tell the other woman that it was not a police matter, too… But the other woman continued to run me down, (not even knowing anything about me other than that our cars had connected), so I called her a ‘goon‘ in a fit of pique.  (I don’t know what ‘goon’ means elsewhere, but here it is slang for an idiot…)

For that, the young woman (who was barely the age of my grand-daughter) saw fit to harshly condemn and lecture me for calling the other woman names, and even for ‘yelling‘… And, boy, did that rile me, especially since she didn’t say a word against the absolute yelling from the other woman.

I told the young woman that I was not yelling… I was raising my voice and my tone was vehement, which was a natural reaction to being upset at the tirade plied against me and a normal expression of human nature …and if she wanted to hear yelling I could go a lot louder.

(Let’s face it, I come from a different generation, where people were allowed to show they were upset when they were upset, and where today’s attitudes of not being allowed to show it were not the rule.  When I was young, the idea was about curbing extremes and not being violent, not suppressing my human nature altogether…  My crowd grew up with a right to be pissed off, so long as you didn’t hurt anyone).

She rolled her eyes and looked stony as I added that ‘If you want to calm things down you don’t lecture people because that is always going to escalate things’.  After which, she walked off, and I went back to my car to get my phone to call my husband, muttering ‘lectured by a 20 year old!’

Now, I wasn’t happy with having ‘lost the plot‘ a bit, myself.  It wasn’t how I’d wanted my day to go.  I just wanted to get the insurance details and go home, but the other woman refused to give me anything, despite my writing all my own details down for her and handing her the piece of paper.

At every step she was in my face, abusive and degrading with her language and attitude, and it was all I could do to get the job that needed to be done, done… and in the end, my mouth let rip the unthinkable, as I told her to go back to Germany !

Her instant reply was that she did not come from Germany, and so (on a roll by then) I shot back – well, Lithuania, Sedetenland, Czechoslovakia, take your pick! (And got some slight satisfaction from seeing the smiles on the faces of some nearby observers as I did that)… It was not a moment to be proud of.

I’ve spent a lifetime hating bigotry and criticizing people who speak like that to others, and in one fell swoop I joined the ranks of those I had previously condemned.

I did try to calm things down a bit toward the end of our meeting, by saying to her that we were both quite obviously extremely upset because this sort of thing didn’t happen very often for us, and we were struggling to figure out how to deal with it.

I had never had an accident like this before, and said so… but her immediate response was to say that she had never had an accident before, but I had obviously had plenty.  It was such an aggressively negative stance and a ‘below the belt shot in the dark’, (probably based in hurt, and maybe I was to blame for that).

When I did finally get her written details, I had to immediately question the letters and numbers she’d written, because there were unreadable squiggles in parts, and where she had written the numbers 9 and 4 in one way, she had written them backwards in another section.

I fixed the mistakes but kept wondering throughout the day thereafter just how a person can do that ?  If she had written all her numbers the same way, or all letters as the same squiggles, I could understand it – but to change them like that was extremely odd.  I wondered then if perhaps she was having a medical crisis which I hadn’t been aware of.

She may have had a minor stroke… It would have explained her instant road rage, too.

When I finally left the carpark, I was on one hand happy that I had put two aggressive and demeaning older women in their ‘place‘ (blame my celtic warrior ancestors for that), and on the other hand my gut was churning because I had not been able to keep my cool as I usually do and maintain enough detachment to stay objective.

By ‘spitting chips‘ of racism, myself, telling her to ‘go back to where she came from‘, the words of some of the bigoted people I grew up associating with had poured from my mouth, after years of not wanting to be associated with that type of bigotry as an adult…  It was not a high point in my history, and certainly did the reputation of my Australian peers no good.

I have to admit that I am human enough to have had other episodes of upset in my life, especially when my pride was hurt or I was under attack.  It’s not a regular occurrence, but it has happened, and there are those who always look for potholes in your road and make sure you’re condemned for having them… (I’m sensitive enough to self-castigate.  I don’t need anyone else to do it for me).

With the modes I’ve developed all my life, I strive to be a more calm and spiritually oriented being, these days, and it really hurts my heart when I fall down.

I would much rather have found a way to deal with either of those women with calm and soothing so that they interacted better, and I have actually done so with others many times in the past… (You can’t deal effectively with the large groups of people in the organizations I was associated with back then by being that volatile and personally invested)… But on this day, my responses didn’t even let me really put my brain ‘in gear.

Well, I could go on being ashamed of myself and self-castigating, and I could wallow in that to the degree that I eventually undermine all the past beauty and light I have truly established, and perhaps I could undermine all I may have established in the future, too, if I let such castigation go on too long…

Which brings me to the unassailable fact that no matter how ‘spiritual‘ any of us are, in truth spirituality is an aspiration and an ever-evolving life path, and is not set in stone… And such moments happen to even the most enlightened beings. (Read my comments in a previous post, ‘Reality).   We are human, too, and we all have ‘off‘ days.

Nevertheless, I spent a very disturbed night on Friday, and again all day and night on Saturday, going over my own actions and responses.

It wasn’t so much that I felt wrong in being upset or offended by the behavior of those two women, but that I was upset at myself that I could not hold it so well together and maintain my own calm under such attacks.

Maybe I didn’t get physical but words do hurt, and I was as guilty as they were, in doing that, that day.

For me, too, knowing the power of words, it was almost a sin –  because my words were like an idle curse.

My son took many photos on the day, of the damage to the cars and the position of the accident connection. It was only after I saw those photos that I realized I was not in the wrong (as a driver) at all.

The other woman had come from a carpark diagonally opposite to mine and instead of swinging backward into the exit lane behind her car, had zoomed way across the dividing line into the entry lane behind my car.

My first thought was ‘She’s going to get one heck of a shock when she finds out she’ll be the one paying for all this‘.

My second thought was to wonder if she was okay, because maybe she had had a medical crisis that caused that weird event.

My third thought was to actually relent a little in forgiveness toward those I had grown up with, for their bigotry, because maybe they, too, had been ‘letting rip‘ from a point of wounding (though theirs was more of a constant throughout their lives).

We are human, and I’m sorry that I did not behave so well in the face of fire that day, but now I need to let it go and remember who I am and what I really stand for.

It was, after all, only a moment in a lifetime of much different behavior… This is what I often find it hard to explain to some who say that if I behave like an errant human being at times, then I am not living up to my spiritual aspirations – or, actually, as they have deemed, being the spiritual being I portray myself as.

When I aspire to be spiritual, I never think of myself as perfect.   Indeed, I don’t think of any part of life as perfect, apart from in the idylls of my mind, because for me we were never made to be perfect.

We were made as artworks in the mind of the divine, and most artworks are flawed and even assymetrical.  Artworks have personality, and are not taken piecemeal, but as the whole.  In that whole, they are beautiful, attractive, and inspiring – but if you were to pick them apart, you’d find enough flaws, if you wanted to look for them.

To me, life is Art, and I am part of an artwork.  Maybe I am flawed and not as beautiful as I aspire to be all the time, but in general I think I hold up pretty well.  As do most of us.

That day held some lessons for me, taken from insights and thoughtful dwelling.

Every time anyone slips up, that sort of opportunity is there to help us grow, to expand in awareness, and to at least have some compassion for ourselves as we try to cope with the less salubrious elements of life, at the minimum.

From another point of view, as an astrologer, it was ultimately interesting to realize that transiting Mars is conjunct transiting Pluto in my Third House in Capricorn right now, bringing about possible aggression in my local environment, communications, and commercial interactions, and triggering my birth chart Pluto opposite the Moon position that has always caused me some trouble with women whose nature is a tad dominating and overpersonal.

On the positive side, that same air of aggravation is blowing sparks in an extremely wonderful way in the romance department with my hubby of late… (Both he and I are highly ruled by Pluto, since he has a Scorpio Midheaven and I have Scorpio Rising).

There are always two sides to everything. 🙂





Ballad of Redemption

Yellow Crucifix Orchid - photo from her garden, by Lianne
Yellow Crucifix Orchid – Photo from her garden, by Lianne

Was I procrastinating when I put my plans aside for work I’d meant to do today and then simply let them slide?

I thought I must be lazy when the housework stayed undone while I lounged within my garden where the birds were having fun.

Thought perhaps I was depressed as these modes imbued my life, diverting me from my schedules so that clutter became rife.

Yes, I’d suffered sadness for so many recent years, with major aches of rattled gut and overflows of salty tears.

It wasn’t that ludicrous to analyze myself so, to say that grief had stopped me up and diverted all the flow.

One day, soaked in memories of times ne’er to come again, it struck me that I’d accepted loss and no longer felt much pain.

Within that reminiscence, I acknowledged the work load that had seen me love, in passing, while work agendas overrode.

I did give hugs and kisses, said ‘I love you’ many times, but these expressed as brief asides, so my love did not ring chimes.

I thought I gave good service.  I thought I gave needed care.  I was the facilitator.  The truth was, I wasn’t ‘there’.

Got upset at disrespect and got perplexed by coldness; was rattled to my very core when cut from them with boldness.

The future proved uncertain.  My bright dreams became manure as all I had planned and worked for suddenly became unsure.

Too late to count my blessings, time flooded wrinkles on my face.  Caught up too much in past stressing, I had missed the interface.

Done my best to help, I’d thought, and e’en sacrificed my life to serving family and friends through their many times of strife.

Yet all they’d really wanted was a piece of ‘inner me’.  I’d been so caught up in service that I failed to really ‘see’.

Today I sit and ponder as I listen to bird song and feel sweet breezes touch my face, and know my heart’s beating strong.

I see dust on furniture.  I see work sitting idle but, truth to tell, I’ve things in hand.  Epona’s in a bridle.

My life tide is running out but fully in each second I’m soaking up it’s sweet elan wherever it has beckoned.

I look flowers in the face.  I listen to leaves rustling.  I let deep silence soak my bones as Nature does her bustling.

Lost so much I thought would last until the end of my days but have gained a reconnection that so lifts my heart with praise.

So, no, I am not depressed and not procrastinating.  Instead, I’ve found the bliss in life my spirit’s been awaiting.

(Original poetry by L.O.Hennig – today rebirthed as Oli Zing.  Copyright 2016, )


metaphor for allowing yourself to be imperfect
metaphor for allowing yourself to be imperfect

I’ve written before about my take on ‘reality‘.  In my belief system, ‘reality‘ is illusory – a dream or thought process from the mind of god, where we are the players that bring the story to life.

This belief ilk is called being ‘aware‘, and the ‘aware‘ are classed as being ‘spiritual‘ – and being ‘spiritual‘ comes with a whole set of expectations, not from god but from the other players in ‘reality‘ and even from ourselves, when we believe we are processing life in a ‘spiritual‘ way.

In christian spirituality, especially, there is an extreme condemnation of those who do not live what is considered to be a ‘pure‘ life if one has chosen a ‘spiritual‘ path.  That ‘pure‘ life comes with a whole set of rules of behavior which are supposed to be disciplines to the spirit, to keep one true to that ‘spiritual‘ path – and if the aspirant strays from their ‘spiritual‘ path, according to those rules they must be punished, either by themselves or by others.

Martyrs of all types abound in the history of christianity and, in the past, monks wore hair shirts (to create a constant itch to test their temper) and whipped themselves till their backs bled, while living in tiny and grim cells for bedrooms, in order to persistently remind themselves to behave ‘better‘ and to be humble.

I think it is such modes of condemnation that almost immediately set others against you, today, if you appear to be a ‘spiritual‘ person and stray in even the slightest from what they consider ‘spirituality‘ to be.  Thousands of years of such expectations have become embedded in the mind of the populace to such an extent that even those who do not class themselves as ‘spiritual‘ in any way will attack someone who follows a ‘spiritual‘ path but then appears to be straying from it.

This happened to myself, (again), not long ago, when  I made a fair and objective comment on a Facebook site about a prize home that was being offered in a charity raffle.

I’d visited the home with my family as we like to support such causes, since my son became disabled in a traffic accident many years ago and this charity was one which gave him some help in recovery.   The home was lovely, but the traffic noise from a nearby busy road was so awful I couldn’t imagine living there without being driven batty by it, so I made a comment about that in the guest book.

That is the sort of thing human beings do.  We live life, we make comments, we interact with each other, we pour out ideas and opinions…  But there were those who sought to take me to task publicly, on the charity’s Facebook page, for writing my comment in that guest book, and I was irked enough by the attack to reply.

My reply was objective and to the point.  Where the attacker claimed that the road was not well used, I pointed out (as a local) that it was a very well used and main road.  In fact, it was an arterial road between many seaside towns.

I thought that was the end of it, but later on another took up the thread and claimed how silly I was and that I should just ‘shut up and put up‘.

Now, that also irked me, because I believe in the right to have an opinion, and my opinion harmed no one – but these people seemed to think that because this was a charity event, it should brook no criticism.  So I replied to that comment, too, pointing out that these events are sold as dreams, where people are expected to imagine a new lifestyle for themselves living in such places, so my opinion was simply a reflection on that.

For that reply, I was immediately called a ‘wanker‘, which is a derogatory epithet in our Australian slang language that basically called me ‘crazy‘, and that was followed by a long tirade claiming that I was over-intellectual and egotistical, and basically liked the ‘sound of my own voice‘.

I apologized for stepping on toes and upsetting anyone who thought the charity was sacrosanct, but upheld my right to my opinion.

As far as I could tell, the main reason why this second person felt so pissed off at me was because I wrote more words than you get in a ‘tweet‘ and in today’s society that seems to often be taken for being arrogant.

I thought that was the end of it, but that person then checked out my Facebook profile and saw my spiritual modes on display.  They then attacked my spirituality, claiming that I was anything but ‘spiritual‘ if I could speak the way I did.  (It was then that I realized this person was not of the ilk of the youth of today, who often seem to lack verbal eloquence, as this last tirade was full of great vocabulary and strafed me with a full paragraph of it).

My reply was a thank you for being thought of as ‘spiritual‘ and I pointed out that ‘spirituality‘ is a worthy aim and aspiration but I am also a human being who has a right to express valid opinions.

I also pointed out that even the Dalai Lama tells us to stick up for ourselves against bullies.

Which brings me to a historical event where the Dalai Lama got severe condemnation and was considered to have strayed from his ‘spiritual‘ path many years ago when there was a Tibetan uprising that ended up killing several Chinese shopkeepers based in Tibet.  Because his response to that event was not quick, and he took time as a human being to consider the facts of what had happened, and only eventually gave advice to his fellow Tibetans to remember their ‘spiritual‘ path, many Western ‘followers‘ (not necessarily buddhists) became disillusioned at his ‘spiritual‘ leadership.

Even someone as ‘enlightened‘ as the Dalai Lama is a human being, encased in human form, and prone to the same laws that shape the rest of us at times – meaning that difficult decisions are not an instant process, and care had to be taken to assess all aspects of the situation so that he did not upset things further by interference in what was essentially an uprising against local politics and oppression by pissed off human beings.

My belief about spirituality revolves around this idea that when we incarnate as spirit into a solid form, (whether that be a human one, animal, vegetable, or mineral), in this world, we become prone to the laws of ‘reality‘ that form us.

So dogs, even though they are basically the same ‘spirit‘ as we humans are, will still sniff each others bums, lick their balls, and bark at cats, no matter how advanced their personalities appear to be.

Humans, too, are prone to the same laws that hold the roleplays of their destinies together – so even though they may be ‘spiritual,’ they can still get pissed off at impositions caused by other human beings.

I have lost count of the times when others have decided I am being quite ‘unspiritual‘ because I got angry and upset at a situation that had gone on long after every avenue toward peace and resolution had been tried.  People tend to point that out in a very smug way, as if to prove that because you have temporarily and apparently ‘lost the plot‘, you were never really ‘spiritual‘ in the first place.

That is so wrong an assumption, it’s not funny.  Was Christ considered to be ‘unspiritual‘ because he got so angry at the peddlars selling religious wares on the steps of his local temple that he upturned their stalls?  Was he considered to be ‘unspiritual‘ when he cried out on the cross, wondering if God had deserted him in his last hours?  No, because ‘spirituality‘ is more than temporary human passions and aberrations.  Spirituality is a life long mode that is so persistent that it crosses all the apparent ‘strays‘ of feeling and action.

I know that there are those who say that you should always ‘turn the other cheek‘ when someone slaps you, always ‘love your enemy’, or ‘walk away or say no‘ when faced with confrontations or altercations, but life is not so black and white.  There are many shades of grey…  And running away or shutting off is not always a solution, especially when you are dealing with people you want to stay in your life.

Sometimes, you really do have to do battle to bring about resolution – even if that is just holding fast to a valid opinion against condemnatory opposition.

When we try to be ‘perfect‘ in order to be ‘spiritual‘ we set ourselves up for a fall, because we are also human.  As human beings, we live a dichotomous life, a schism, or a pairing.

We are both a spiritual being and a human being, and the two don’t always gel if we go about setting rules for how ‘spirituality‘ should be expressed in order to be valid.

I was watching a television show with my husband, recently, which is about a competition between renovators of apartments.  Like many ‘reality‘ shows these days, it is full of product placements, and the scripting is quite obvious at times to me, because I worked in the film and television industry for over ten years in my youth.

Most people may not be so aware that seeing the participants talking about themselves going through their processes and tribulations as they are apparently still going through them on screen means that they have been pulled aside (during what is apparently a crisis) to give comment – and that to do that a whole new camera set up has to be put in place to record those comments, and any such withdrawal would certainly take the edge off any crisis.

In fact, every time you get a new camera point of view means that whatever these players are doing has to be interrupted so that a new camera setup can be put in place, necessitating a lot of waiting around by the participants while that setup is erected.  (During that break in proceedings is when the participants are most likely taken aside to another area to give their comments to another camera.  It certainly does not actually happen while the crises events are going on).

What you see on the screen at the end is the result of a lot of editing and splicing of these separate films taken from so many different views, each clip repeating the same words.   Reality television is therefore rarely ‘reality‘.  At best it is a rendition of ‘reality‘.

Even if the players are ‘ordinary‘ people roped in for the competition, and not actually actors or ‘improvisational‘ extras, they are still being highly directed and are following scripted guidelines (including asides for product placements, which are advertisements for goods shown in a ‘normal’ usage setting).

I mean, what ‘ordinary‘ person is so garrulous about how to do the things these people do in their renovations, going through each step as if they are teaching us all how to do it, and speaking out loud the whole time about their processes?  If most of us kept talking all the time about what we were doing, in such detail, we’d be considered crazy.

An overwhelm of words tends to overwhelm people (which is apparently what set my critics off when I made my comment on the charity prize house) – unless, of course, it is during a ‘reality‘ television show…

Now, even knowing all this, and having a good ‘heads up‘ on the above because of my experience with the industry, and even after discussing these points in detail with my husband, we still find ourselves watching the show at times and assessing the competitors and their shenanigans, and even find ourselves getting pissed off at the rudeness or coldness of some, or feel pity for the way others have been apparently abused or treated unfairly.

We get caught up in the story of the show, and we end up reacting like any other ‘ordinary‘ human being watching it.

Which makes us laugh at ourselves, in the end – and we do have to keep reminding ourselves that it is a show, and these are players, and most likely the whole thing is very much scripted, and even the crises are simply set up to make what would have been a bland show about renovating into something more interesting…

And that’s where ‘reality‘ kicks us all in the guts at times – because it doesn’t matter how ‘enlightened‘ or ‘spiritual‘ you are, you are also a human being, and you have birthed into a ‘reality‘ that is full of plots and storylines that suck you in, no matter how much you know it is basically an ‘illusion‘ or a ‘gameplay‘.

We all get sucked in by life at times, and that is what is supposed to happen.

Even the most ‘spiritual‘ among us are supposed to be human beings, too.  If they aren’t, they are quickly condemned as being cold, aloof, and ‘out of touch‘ with ‘reality‘.

Life is an adventure and an experience of investment.

It doesn’t matter how much knowledge or skill you have about the ‘bones behind reality‘ or the ‘modes of spiritual evolution‘ or what aspirations you have toward being the ‘best type of human being‘ you can be, you are human at the bottom line, and until the day you shed your body and return fully to spirit, life will always catch up with you.

Even the Pope has to go to the toilet.  Even the Dalai Lama has admitted to getting annoyed when someone changed the radio station he was listening to, or to jealousy of his brother riding a bicycle when he was a child while he had to stay inside and read scriptures.

Life itself is a ‘reality‘ show and we are all the players.  Destiny is the script.

You can play a board game or card game over and over, always knowing the rules and how things work, but still get invested in the competition, or pissed off at the other players, and even let out a resounding whoop when you win.

That’s life.  That’s living…  And that is ‘spirituality‘, which in truth means ‘living life with the fullness of spirit‘…

So what is this ‘spirit‘ we should live in fullness with?

It is investment.  It is passion.  It is heart and care.  It is life force energy that urges us toward creation.  It is our emotions, our worries, our cares, and every state of connection that manifests the divine force in ‘reality‘.

God dreams us into Being, and ‘spirituality‘ exists wherever we are aware of this.

It is not reliant on rules or expectations.  It is present in any appreciation of the magnificence of existence, even in the smallest of moments.

It is present in even our darkest moments, when we call on our energetic life source… and it exists even when others call us to task for apparently not really having it, because God is the dreamer and all that exists is God – even the aberrations.

Heck, even those who have no religion or ‘spirituality‘ can be called ‘spirited’, because ‘spirit‘ is a pure expression of itself.  It is the ‘life force‘ at work (and play)… And ‘spirit‘ is what makes ‘reality‘.

Spirit reality = spirituality.

The Mantras of Old Age and Assailment

yoga frog
     I was having a very down day yesterday.  My autoimmune disorders were extreme and many things have slowed to a trickle because I am unable to keep up.
     Was feeling a bit sorry for myself and wondering, at this age, what the future held.
     Life is short and there are no guarantees.   Many of my relatives have already died at ages younger than expected, with different forms of cancer.
     Even my work has been affected, though the odd thing is that business has almost flat-lined of late, anyway, as if the universe thought I needed a break.
     It was never meant to be a one person show, anyway.  Started with a whole family in tow, but now most have gone their own ways.  I’m not sure what the future holds.
     So I rang my hubby at his other workplace, to talk about things for a bit, and as tears ran down my face a very weird (wyrd) thing happened…
     A lot of different birds began to gather and sing in the shrubs and trees backing our rear property line, which I can see from my bedroom window (where I was sitting at the time).
     They were singing en masse, and one kept calling out, as if asking all the other birds to join it.  (The others actually had gathered to the call of that one bird).
     It was so amazing that I went to the window to try to see all those birds, but they were well hidden in the foliage.   All I had was their voices, which were so obviously many different birds.
     The only other time I have heard birds like that, en masse, is when we had a python in our back garden, and they put out a cacophony to let me know so I could move it on.   But the song was different, this time.   It was quite uplifting.
     And then, a mass of crickets began to sing in the garden bed below my bedroom window.  (You have to understand that prior to all this song, the sounds outside were quite normal.   A bit of distant birdsong and some breezes rustling the leaves in the trees).
     It was then that I said to my husband that it was like the divine wanted to cheer me up, and had sent them to ‘knock me on the head‘ with this ‘mini miracle‘.   And once I spoke those words, the bird song and the cricket chorus practically ceased.
     I realized then that it was meant to cease as soon as I understood that it was a ‘message‘.
     It was not a coincidence.   It was something sent to uplift me, and so that I didn’t mistake it for ordinary, it ceased as soon as I understood that.  (And to make it even more clear, none of that happened again for the rest of the day).
     So after I ended the phone call with my hubby, I thought about that for a bit.
     I thought of how things like that happened a lot more in my youth, and so I then thought about being young, fit, and beautiful again, and of course, of how I am none of those things today.
     It was then that I realized that I was not living by my own tenets when it comes to reincarnation or the life of spirit as an inhabitant of the physical avatar of the body.
     I have given over my body and my self to the roleplays of the physical world, because today when I personally talk to others I call myself ‘old’.
     I list off my ailments and add my age to that equation, and then suddenly my world seems full of difficulties, and life seems very short.
     That is in complete opposition to the idea I espouse of being an immortal being who has lived countless incarnations, and who today lives a dichotomous existence within my human body roleplay.
     So I have put aside my own sense of immortality and regeneration, as I continually repeat these ‘mantras of old age’.
     I am not the only one to do this.  I see and hear others who are older do the same thing to themselves, over and over.
     We slot ourselves into the worldly roleplay of an older body living an older and more assailed and fragile life.
     Prior to my current health problems, I decided to use this ‘time out‘ period of my life to reorganize my home and business, to ‘clean up and clean out‘.
     My hubby, mature son and I got stuck into this agenda and achieved much on the first weekend we did it, but our bodies were suffering at the end of that effort.
     What was the first thing we declared?  ‘Oh, I’m getting old.  My body can’t do the things it used to.’
     Yet the fact is that even young people who are super fit and healthy, would struggle to recover at the end of such a large task and effort.
     The difference is not a physical one but a mental one.
     Most younger people tend to take a break when they’re feeling overdone.  Older people have an agenda they’ve set themselves, that they want to complete sooner rather than later because they have a sense of ‘time running out‘.   So they more easily over-extend themselves, and then their bodies find it a lot harder to recover from that over-exertion.
     Younger people may not have that problem because their sense can be of their ‘whole lives ahead of them.’   So they can take a break and feel like they have plenty of time to get back to things, later.
     (I know there are younger people who try to do too much, and then feel a physical rebound and emotional drain, too, but they usually have a greater sense of life ahead of them, still, than older people have to play with).
     So the problem with older people is not actually that they can’t do what they did when they were younger any more.  It is that they are too stubborn and have too much of a sense of lack of time, to give up and come back later.  They no longer ‘work with the flow‘.
     And then, when their bodies complain, and it takes longer than a few days to recover, they think it is because they are ‘old‘, and they think it is because they are ‘more fragile than they used to be‘.  And they declare that to anyone who will listen.
     Under those types of mantras, it is easy to forget the underlying truths of spirit in existence.   And it is easy to feel that your life is ‘not so important in the scheme of things‘, and that perhaps you are more ‘humble and dispensable‘ than you once thought.
     And then, the ‘message‘ came to me that I am not forgotten in the mind of the divine.   I have never been forgotten.   I have always been loved.   Because the divine does not focus on our outer appearance, nor on our physical condition or age.  The divine sees us at our core – into our inner self, and into the glowing spirit that animates us.
     I was ‘told‘ that it was never the divine that abandoned me.  Instead, I abandoned myself.   I gave up on myself.   I slotted myself into a ‘sense of dearth‘, into a feeling of ‘being compromised‘, and into a ‘lack of hope’.
     My body may be older, now, and my health is genetically disposed to disorder, but that does not mean I have to stop enjoying life and engaging with it.
     The body naturally dies, in time, but the spirit never has to.
     When my body dies, my spirit will reincarnate – that is my belief.   Yet I have overshadowed my spirit with the thought of endings, and of being ‘stuck‘.
     Every moment we are alive, we have the choice to savor life.
     Savoring life is not dependent on what is happening to our bodies, or on the outside influences we have no control over.
     Savoring life is an exercise of the mind and spirit, and is what brings a sense of connection with the divine into our mundane reality, as we realize just what miraculous beauty we are embedded in.
     My body is still inflamed today, but my attitudes have changed.   I am working with instead of going against ‘the flow‘.
     When my hubby came home last night, he had another story to tell, of a younger workmate he often meets with, who was overburdened by the pressures his boss had put upon him to meet a deadline.
     This younger man was feeling exhausted and assailed.  He felt under pressure to perform, but he was already giving his best.
     So my hubby passed on the sage advice that I had once given to him – to acknowledge the skills he has, to realize that he is already doing his best and that his boss actually does know that.   And to understand that even though the boss is under pressure from his own superiors to achieve a deadline, it is not in his best interest to push himself until he ails, and it is not in the best interest of his workplace for him to get sick.
     It is far better for him to maintain integrity and be whole, and to keep believing in himself, and then, as long as he serves well, that is the best that can be expected, so he can pull back a little, be easier on himself, and ‘go with the flow‘.
     The younger man left the discourse with my hubby in a lighter frame of mind.  And I was reminded of how often I give such advice to others, and yet find it hard to take it for myself…
     So, now I will choose to ride the quiet moments and not give up hope that the tide will change.   For if things were once faster and more intense, they will come to that phase again.   All I need to do is wait the current phases out.
     I obviously needed a break, anyway.
     For me, our bodies never die until the moment they are meant to.  What we forget is that our minds can override our spirit so that it can seem to die long before our bodies end.
     It all depends on what we focus on – the body, or the spirit.
     Without the spirit animating it, the body is nothing.  That is ‘zombie‘ living.  So why would we want to override the spirit with such a focus on our bodies, alone?  Why keep repeating those mantras of ill health, age, and assailment, that smother the spirit?
     With my family history, I am already older than many of my relatives were when they died, and edging toward the end date of some others.
     Some of them focused so much effort on their bodies, trying to extend the length of their lives and to fight off physical assailments, but what they did could not stop that end date.
     I do have a greater sense, now, of the need to capitalize on my own life, not necessarily for prosperity but for getting full value out of it by enjoying every moment I have as completely as I can.
     By whatever time I go, I hope that I will have lived a meaningful life until that end, filled with full appreciation of my moments.
     I am therefore thankful for this necessary wake up call.
And grateful that I can recognize those signs and omens by which the divine calls to us, that say I am still connected, and I am ever beloved.

The Elite

StarsI once aspired to be an ‘elite‘ athlete and joined an amateur athletics club in my teens.

Let me reframe that.  I aspired to be an Olympian, like the ones I saw on television in the Games, because I wanted to run as fast as they did, and I really enjoyed running and had already done very well at it at school.  I wanted to see if I could become as fast or faster than they were.  This was a feeling of competition, really, not of wanting to become just ‘elite.’

While I did well and won many events, and some of my peers at the time later became the ‘elite‘ athletes I had aspired to be, I eventually gave up and sought a more ‘ordinary‘ life.

Later, the path of my life tried other avenues of expression, in art and acting.  Again, while I made great headway for many years, it was the peers I worked with who I thought achieved the ongoing ‘elite‘ level, whereas I felt that I moved into a quieter life, more ‘ordinary.’

I woke with a dream this morning where someone was talking to me about a person they knew who was an ‘elite‘ athlete.  They related their association with pride and imposed a sense of glamour on the athlete, as hero worshipers do.

My response was to point out the human equation of the athlete being talked about, and the conversationalist raised an eyebrow at this, as if I was not fully appreciating the value and level of the person involved.

In the dream, I went on to explain what it means to the ‘elite‘ performer to be doing what they do, and how the public misreads that.

I can’t remember the exact words I used, but I woke up in the middle of talking them.  I wish I had remembered them, because I thought they were brilliant at the time I became aware.  Now, all I have are the gist and the meaning that I know of them, which I thought should probably be said.

Though I never achieved what I perceived as ‘elite‘ levels of expression, I did achieve many things of import in my life.

For me, such achievements were simply goals that I set for myself, that were reached.

There was great satisfaction in their achievement, that I was able to reach those marks, that I met those challenges, and that I managed to express those things.  But at every point I was always aware of my human factor, of my flaws and failings, of my vulnerability and sometime fragility, and that while the goals were achieved, there was much of my human life that remained a challenge still to be met, and an ongoing future of human process that could be a lot scarier than these ‘simple‘ achievements.

I have met and interacted with ‘elite‘ people in the arenas of life I worked with, and in each instance I never saw them as heroes or stars but as simply human beings who were expressing and achieving, and who managed to do the superbly satisfactory thing of meeting the goals they set themselves.

Underneath those achievements, in every instance, were ‘ordinary‘ people who needed love, interaction, support and care, and who still wanted the same things each of us want from life – the meeting of inner needs, and the comfort and solace of security (even amid adventure).  Because a main factor for anyone, ‘elite‘ or ‘ordinary‘, is to have the best life possible that will make us feel happy.

The greatest challenge in attaining an ‘elite‘ level in life is the view others have of you.  Because when those views are overlaid on your achievements, then there comes a sense of responsibility to live up to those expectations.

In some instances, the ‘elite‘ become overburdened by such expectations from others and begin to break down.  This can show in a drastic removal of their completely private lives from public view, or through very public breakdowns, or even by giving up on the ‘elite‘ life altogether and the dumping of their previous dreams and ambitions because of the desire to no longer be in the limelight.

In the latter instance, the delight in expressing themselves or their talents, that brought about achievement, becomes sullied because of the imposed expectations of others.

Instead of doing something by their own choice, that they enjoy and value, those outside expectations bring new demands and obligations they may never have been ready for, nor really ever wanted to accommodate in their lives.

You can then understand how many people who show signs of possibility to reach an ‘elite‘ level in life get forestalled, and end up disappointing those who have expectations of them by living very ‘ordinary‘ lives, instead.

An early imposition of the outside expectations of others can completely stymie the desire to express one’s talents and skills.

This is what happened to me, (along with a terrible feeling of vulnerability because of health problems that were not managed well at the time), leaving me feeling that if I kept pursuing those challenges I would only fail and therefore disappoint others.  So I took different paths to avoid that scenario.

Of course, in my own case, my spirit kept rising up again even after I sabotaged my efforts, so I did get a lot done, in the end.  However, because my efforts were up and down, I was lucky to have never actually been seen by my family and friends as being in the ‘elite‘ category.  Lucky, because they had no real expectations of me, so I had a lot of freedom to choose to express how I wished.

Actually, because of this up and down process, my family never really gave me the kudos I deserved for what I did achieve.  Instead, they presumed that any ‘elite‘ level I actioned was nothing but me trying to prove myself and was only done to get attention for myself, (which was quite odd considering that the people who didn’t know me personally saw the real quality of what I did).

The results of what I did action was openly seen in my environment, so my family should have realized that no matter what their opinions were, I was achieving things of import, nevertheless.  (The really odd thing is that they did acknowledge my success to some degree, by asking me to share the rewards of it with them, but then never acknowledged the skills that earned me that success).

Because of those damning impositions on my character, despite clear evidence of the value of what I was achieving, I continued to have an up and down relationship with my skills and artistic expression throughout most of my life.

I did not want to be seen as someone who was only doing what I was doing to get kudos for myself.

I did not want others to feel uncomfortable about themselves because of what I was able to do, that they felt they could not do.

I wanted to feel accepted and valued for who I was, not for what I did.  (In my case, because my own family did not value what I did, and because I was so focused on being accepted by my family, I did not give the acceptance of my skills that came from others the merit it deserved, either).  So I continued to deliberately suppress my talents and skills when I was around family and close friends.

It’s not that I never expressed these things or achieved my goals, but I didn’t proclaim or point them out very much at all to family or friends because I didn’t want them to think I was ‘blowing my own horn.’  I foolishly thought that they would see what I was doing, anyway, and realize for themselves the merit of my output.

In doing that, I missed the fact that when people don’t want to know something, they will totally ignore the obvious even when it is staring them in the face.

So, years later, after a long career doing what I did best (in several areas), my family still thought I hadn’t achieved much with my life beyond being a mother and wife, because that was all they saw when they were around me.

I have to acknowledge that I sufficed those ideas to some degree because I actually did put aside whatever I was doing to be fully with them when they were with me, and during those times I subsumed myself to the roles of mother and wife.  It was only later, when some of them told me off for the things they presumed about me, that I thought, hang on, the evidence of what I did was everywhere in the environments they met me in, why didn’t they see it?

At this point, let me insert the fact that my relationship with my extended family was very up and down, too.

It was this feeling of oppression and suppression that undermined the expression of my life that saw me rebel at some stages, and end up being cut off from and ostracized by my family.

Interestingly, during those phases of isolation, I was fully free to express myself as I wished, and it was then that I made my greatest achievements.

However, each time I returned to the family fold, old habits died hard, and I suppressed myself again in their company, just so I could fit in.

This was so bad that even after I got very real professional kudos in later life for what I had achieved, I found it very difficult to align myself to the notion of having been so successful that I merited those kudos.

I had spent too much of my life suppressing my own recognition of my achievements just to fit in with people who were never going to accept my skills and talents no matter what I did with them.  And thus, appreciating myself for what I did, and still do, was subverted.

So, now, at this later stage of my life, I have a distinct understanding of the ‘elite‘, and of anyone who strives to express their skills and talents to a point of achievement.

The bottom line for anyone doing that is never to gain attention.

It is never to gain kudos for themselves.

It is never to prove that they are better than anyone else.

For anyone undergoing such processes the bottom line is to express their spirit, to meet challenges they set for themselves, and to get satisfaction from actually meeting their tasks and achieving the end point.

Yes, when kudos come, they may appreciate them.  Yes, when fame comes, they may like it.  Yes, when awards come, they may feel very proud.  But these are never the results they aimed for when they started on such paths of expression.

The beginning is always with themselves, with their own minds and hearts, and has nothing really to do with anyone else or any status quo at all.

Even if their expression relates to and interacts with other people to gain achievement, as in charitable or merciful actions, the beginning and the end is for them, for how they want to spiritualize their life, for how they want to be the person they believe themself to be, and for how they want to become the person they feel is waiting inside themselves to become.

This is not about selfishness.  It’s not a me or you equation.

It is simple generation of energy and empowerment, from which great things can flow.

So the next time you are hero worshipping or idolizing someone for their achievements, think instead of how wonderful it is that they were able to find the energy and the inspiration to follow the line of challenge completely to the end to meet their goals.

Think instead that these are ‘ordinary‘ people who have found the extraordinary inside themselves and expressed it.

And think, instead of worshipping or idolizing in a way that sets apart or ostracizes them from the rest of society, that these people are models, way-showers, and inspirational messengers who example how anyone can do the same thing so long as they believe in themselves, believe in their talents and abilities, and follow them all the way through to the best degree of effort they can express.

The ‘elite‘ are ‘ordinary‘ people doing extraordinary things, but the bottom line is they are people, just like you and me.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine.

Aliens Among Us

The Mountain t-shirt "Alien Origins"Many years ago, I was shopping with my daughter in an outdoor mall when I suddenly needed to go to the toilet. The closest facility was in a public bar, so we headed through the lounge to a small back hallway.  Luckily, it was late morning on a weekday, so not too many people around, because the washroom only had two cubicles.

I remember the washroom very well.  It had dark navy blue painted walls and no windows, and it had only one small white ceramic washbasin.

My daughter and I entered the cubicles to do what we needed to do but I finished first.  After washing my hands, I decided to wait in the small hallway outside the washroom door, because the space inside the washroom was barely enough to stand and wash your hands.  I was cognizant that if someone else entered the room, they would find it hard to move past me to the cubicle.

The small hallway outside the washroom was a plain affair – simply a passageway disguising the washroom door from the lounge, and with an opening at either end.  I placed my back against its blank wall to wait for my daughter, and could easily see what was going on at either end with just a small turn of my head.

So it was with some very great surprise that, as I stood there, an elegant older woman with a shock of styled white hair, dressed in a narrow belted cream linen frock and high heels, walked out of the same washroom door I had just exited from.

In the short time that I had stood in the hallway, no one else had entered it.  No one else had gone into the washroom. And I knew that the washroom only had two toilet cubicles.

The woman walked past me, almost brushing me as she went, but we didn’t touch.  I watched as she exited the small hallway into the bar lounge and then, with curiosity getting the better of me, I poked my head back through the washroom door, just to make sure it was exactly as I remembered it.  And it was. Two cubicles, no windows, no cupboards, and no other doors other than the cubicle door I had only recently exited.  Where had that old lady come from?  How did she get past me into the washroom and even if somehow I blinked and missed it, how did she do what she needed to do in the very small amount of time since I had exited?

It struck me that if aliens did walk amongst us, or travelers from the future, what better place for the end of their traveling wormhole to appear than an empty washroom cubicle?  Who would even blink twice if they emerged from one (I did, of course, since the circumstances were extremely odd…)

When my daughter finally emerged, I told her of my experience. She smiled and didn’t say much, even though I pointed out the lack of entry to the washroom, other than the door in the small hallway where we were standing.  I don’t know if she believed me or not.  Maybe slotted it in the ‘too hard’ basket, as others often do.  Maybe thought her mother was having an ‘episode’ (I’m known for some zany ideas, after all) or was reading too much into the situation than was there.

Even my husband didn’t pay too much attention to the story of my experience, later, since he likes to question all my odd experiences and begins examination from a point of implied coincidence unless I can provide concrete proof – which I couldn’t.

I still thought about this incident for a while afterwards.  Did the traveler know I was there and didn’t care because I was one of those people they could trust with that knowledge, or didn’t that matter because other people wouldn’t believe me even if the evidence clearly showed I had reason to question what was going on?  (I was the only one who saw that woman, after all, and she wasn’t in the bar lounge when we exited the hallway).

This small event became just a passing experience and a story, easily forgotten in the passage of time, as such things often do unless other people join in the conversation.

I wondered how many others have experiences like that and so easily slip back into the mores of their mundane lives, which are far easier to deal with than to address such small incidents with any real depth?

While others may have fobbed me off when I related this story, I know what I saw and have never forgotten the details because I was so surprised and examined the logicality of it at the time.

I wished that somehow the woman actually had brushed against me, so that I could confirm she was real – though in all visual sense, she certainly was – but at the time I was doing my best to be polite and to keep my back as much against the wall as possible so she could get past without interference.

The experience was a first for me and I have not had one like it, since, though I do have a very observant eye on the world.   Nor could I say that she was a spirit entity, because she just did not have that prickling sense you can get when around one, and was just so visually sharp and real.   (Although I do remain open to that option, my feelings about the experience say otherwise).

In later years, a television documentary showed just how much people can miss, going through their days.  It showed that a lot can be going on that the mind does not see, even though the brain records it.

When people were shown videos of odd things happening around them while they sat at their desks or plied their tasks, that they missed and did not register, nor remarked on when previously asked to detail what had been going on during those specific time frames, they were surprised to see the odd things happening around them in those recordings.

People are selective about what they focus on and what they choose to take notice of.  It makes you realize that a lot can be happening around you that just doesn’t register.

So I think that if aliens or time travelers are smart enough to get here, then they are most likely smart enough to have figured out these behavioral flaws in the human race, and they are smart enough to capitalize on that.

If you are still looking for alien greys or little green men, adjust your mindset.  Because the people you are looking for are just like you and me.  Or, better than that, they are people you would not think at all could be aliens, people you stand aside to allow room for (like the elegant older woman I saw), or appear in such a way that you silently give them respect or consideration without even attempting to touch or engage.

Smart people, those aliens.

The Mountain t-shirt "Tie-dye Alien"


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine.


Death is a natural part of life.

Skull-Van Gogh

Many buddhists have long espoused vegetarianism as the proper diet for human beings, but since buddhism broke away from tantrism and vedism as spiritual education sources, a lot of this ethos comes from the latter spiritual stream’s assumptions that vegetarianism produces a higher vibration in the body that allows a greater ability to spiritually transcend.

Did you know that Buddha’s last meal was actually a pork stew? These current buddhist modes are a modern invention and do not belong to the ancient origins of buddhism. In ancient times, the focus was like that used for the islamic halaal meat – that animals sacrificed to feed us should at least be honored, blessed, and nurtured well until their death.

There are, however, a lot of logical reasons for eating vegetarian, instead of the often blogged – ‘do not eat other sentient beings’ crap. But let’s remember that scientific studies that examined kirlian photography concluded that plants feel pain, too, and therefore, just because they don’t communicate in obvious ways with us does not necessarily mean they are non-sentient.

Plus, I put to you that if plants are sentient, then eating them alive, as we often do, goes against the current mores of political correctness where acts that hurt another sentient being are considered abuse or torture.

Want to eat a carrot raw? Imagine cutting and eating a live fish and the judgement that comes from western society upon people who do that?

Further, cooking live plants and their products should bring horror to the face of those who don’t like to know things must be killed for our food. Because if we are to be really ethical, we should not eat any living thing at all under that ‘don’t eat other sentient beings’ scenario.

In the end, the true bottom line is that all is energy, whether plant or animal.

When we eat a living body, whether plant or animal, it is just the shell of the avatar residing in it. When the shell dies, the spirit avatar moves on and recycles to a new life. The body that the avatar inhabited is simply a sacrificial gift to keep our own bodies alive and healthy.

Even that scenario has its drawbacks for those honestly invested in ethics, because raw vegetables and salads can be assessed as being ‘still alive and feeling’ when we eat them. But that’s when the mystical mode of self-sacrifice for others, or for the greater good, comes into play.

Apart from the ethical considerations and worldly logistics, any food should be eaten with gratitude for that sacrificial gift of life, and any food should be taken as a blessing. In pagan lore, we honor the sacrifice of all elements of our meals, and say we ‘must not take for granted what is given, but must always remember to return some to the cycle of life.’

By all means, look after and honor the animals who die for us – but let’s have some perspective beyond personal opinions. Because the argument that keeps cropping up is vegetarianism versus carnivorism, and vegetarians like to get scientific by basing their argument on the apparent worldly logistics with regard to animal husbandry compared to agriculture. However, there are flaws and drawbacks when it comes to mass farming on both sides of that food supply equation.

Either system of food supply is unsatisfactory, because mass farming upsets the balance of nature. Animal husbandry en masse upsets things like the ozone layer and causes devastation to the landscape. Agriculture upsets things like the water supply and also devastates the landscape. Often, wherever mass farming has been plied in history, devastations to the landscape have seen persistent droughts and deserts established. So the real factor in both methods of food supply is not what to eat or why to eat it, but that the human race is now so vast on this planet that its systems are out of whack.

Even a hundred years ago, the average age of a human being was actually only 30 years old at death. We had more children but more children died before becoming adults. Death was so much a part of the natural way of things that churches were painted with death scenes, and images of the grim reaper, to remind people of this fact.

Today, our society is built on the premise of cheating death. To do that, we have developed infrastructures and health programs, medicine and modes that prolong life as much as possible. And today, we have gained an average of 20 years extra life span than our ancestors once had. (Yes, I mean only 20 years, meaning a 50 year end age, because the mooted ‘you can live past 70’ actually comes to few of us, still).

So now we have a problem supplying the massive planetary wide population burst of human beings, hence the need to farm on massive scales never before suffered by the planet.
And this has an inherent problem. Because the planet does not have infinite resources. What it does have are recyclable resources. Rain falls, flows, steams, goes to cloud, and falls as rain again, which we drink. Plants thrive, die or get eaten, rot or are excreted, nourish the soil, and other plants feed on that fertilizer, beginning the cycle all over again. Animals do the same as plants, whether or not they are herbivores or carnivorous. So the problem is that our world is based on a system of recycling, not of new or synergistic generation. It has a finite capacity. And that is why people are starving, and that is why people will continue to starve in the future – because no matter what scientists or farmers do to increase the supply, the planetary resource stock is a limited pantry.

It is not our right to live long and healthy lives at all. It is our right and blessing to have a life on planet Earth and to enjoy its gifts for as long as we are here, and in return it is our obligation to die in our due time so that our bodies can keep on feeding the cycle of life. And that is the bottom line under all arguments, that is persistently being ignored. Death is a natural part of life.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine.

And let the gods, too, be healed…


For a long time, now, I have been struggling with some personal issues that I have not been able to resolve.

When that happens, I tend to withdraw into the quieter recesses of my life and reach out less into the wider world.

It’s not that I become a recluse or hermit, because I still engage on practical levels, still do my work and ply my business, and still interact in small moments as I meet people in those activities, but generally I go into a mode where you could say that my mental and emotional interactions with most others outside of my intimate circle is on ‘standby.’

This is more about a process of realignment. 

When things are overwhelming and nothing can be done about them, outwardly, the only way you can really deal with them is internally.

But when your internal processes are full of pain, misery, perplexion, doubt, confusion, vacillation, ceaseless questions, etc., you cannot deal with such overwhelming things until you have first cleared the inner work area. 

And that means a need for inward focus and concentration.

It means an inner-dwelling, and withdrawing somewhat from the outer world to enable that self-examination and cleansing process.

This is the same sort of process that buddha used to find enlightenment.

The buddha, himself, became so perplexed and despairing at the futile results from his teaching efforts, at one stage, that he went and sat under a bodhi tree, determined not to move from his meditative pose until he either got some answers, or died.

I’m not quite ready to be that extreme, but I do know that the enlightenment the buddha received was simply that__life is ruled by certain embedded laws in the physical realm__that form the destinies of those incarnate in it__and which cannot be changed until the people involved in those destinies are ready for change. 

So the best thing you can do is to be merciful and compassionate toward those caught up on that worldly merry-go-round and just get on with the business of enjoying living.

For me, this mode is enabled because I have an eclectic spirituality that recognizes the creative force of god in all things, in all elements of creation, and in all people.

Now, I’m going to do a lot of talking about this god force, in the following essay, along with gods, goddesses, and supernatural entities.

I also have friends who are atheists, and they jack up whenever they hear the word, god, so let me say here that these words are just definitions used by humans to explain concepts.  You can call them whatever you like, so long as the end concept is the same.

For myself, I believe that this god force not only creates our physical universe, but the spiritual and transcendental universes, as well.

I believe it creates the many other dimensions of parallel reality to our own, and the many levels of reality above and below our own.

And I believe it creates all the inhabitants and consistent elements of any of these, inclusive of gods and goddesses, devas, devis, asuras, demons, and elemental entities.

My god is neutral in all areas of its manifestation.

Because it is the beginning and the end of all manifestation, and the source of all existence, I believe it refers only to itself when it creates.

For the god force I believe in, there is no black or white or shades of grey, in such matters__there only is what is.

This is no different to how any artist in any medium might express themselves.

Just because a painter might paint a ‘dark‘ subject matter, or a film maker might produce a ‘horror‘ story, does not necessarily reflect on their soul or inner purity.

It is usually for them just a creative expression which examines such a subject or a story thread, and so it is for the god force I believe in.

The trouble I see in this, for us, is that we are the subject matter, and ours is the story.  We are the elements of this creation.

This means that, caught up in the inherent rules that hold our reality together, we are embedded in the process of that examination, and so the bad stuff affects us as much as the good stuff does.

For the god force I believe in, however, none of this matters in the end because, like a replicator machine on a Star Trek spaceship (or like one of the artists I previously mentioned), it just pulls in the matter it was experimenting with when it is finished with it and recycles it into something new.

That is akin to us examining our thought processes, discarding what is useless or obsolete, and capitalizing on what remains to forge a new thought process.

In our physical reality, though, I believe we are the thought processes of the god force, feeling and living as apparently separate entities.

And as those apparently separate entities, we don’t want to just suffer and be discarded, because that feels meaningless to us.

Such modes feel like our life has no purpose other than as a plaything or as an experimental expression of the god force.

Spiritually, the truth I believe in goes something like this__we are the god force__so we are never lost, we are never non-existent, and we are never discarded.

When you are struggling with the storyline of your life, however, and dealing with what definitely feels real and assailing, it is extremely difficult to align yourself with such a concept.

The absolute and only way to deal with it is to recognize the schism between reality and spirituality.

Even the Tibetan Dalai Lama has expressed this mode in reference to his own life, where he admits he is both a human being, with all the flaws and failings that may go with that incarnation, and an enlightened spiritual being.

On some days, he says he gets pissed off if the radio is not playing his favorite channel, or he tells of how he used to get jealous seeing his brother riding a bicycle when he was a kid and he was forced to study.  Yet he is also an enlightened being who can key into the truth of the cosmos whenever a question is put to him, providing answers to those who ask.

This is what I believe to be the nature of the reality we live in.

It is what I believe is the nature of any level of reality__even the levels of reality where the supernatural live__the levels of gods and goddesses, etc.

In my estimation, we are both expressions embedded in the reality created and the god force creating it.

I believe we are both human and god.

This is why I feel that our human lives can be so frustrating, because it takes a lot of enlightenment, or awakening in the mind of the cosmic divine, to make the flexible adjustments necessary to be able to deal with that apparent truth.

Most people don’t seem able to.  And religion doesn’t seem to help them to, because religion is usually about aligning people to a notion that god is a distant figure, a figure to worship and kowtow to, and a figure to honor as being separate to oneself.

Yet, if we are god and all is god and we are the recyclable expressions of god, then we are never distant from god and never separate.  We are god, itself.

In the Vedic stories of the creation of our universe, the gods and goddesses and demons all churned the milky oceans of the cosmos to bring our reality into being.

In the process, they got caught up in the endless struggle between good and badgods and demons.

They got caught up in their own level of ‘reality‘, that seemed to be an endless fight for the upper hand.

The god force decided to alter the game play and sent in an element of itself called Dhanvantari (pronounced dah-hun-vun-tar-ay).

Dhanvantari came bearing gifts, including the nectar of immortality, or amrita.

Now, as human beings caught up in our own story telling, when we talk of immortality and elixirs that enable it, we usually think only that it means living forever.

But if you put aside those stories and concentrate on the spiritual truths I referred to__the god force is already immortal, and all elements of it are therefore already immortal, and so we, too, are already immortal.

We’re just not immortal in our present incarnation or in our worldly expression as a human being.  We’re only immortal as recycling elements of the god force.

The only reason that such a notion seems to pain us is because we like to think of ourselves as completely separate entities, with free will to be and do whatever we want to be.

We don’t really like the concept of being swallowed up into some greater being that rules over us.

To define this, I remember going into a trance mode in my shower many years ago (odd place, I know) and seeing a vast wonder of (what I can only describe as) an orgy of slithering cosmic energy slugs in a rainbow of colors.

I ‘knew‘ that this thriving and burgeoning energy was the god force in motion, creating.  And I felt that if I stood there watching long enough, I would be absorbed into those colors and become part of them. And that thought made me feel panic that my life may about to be over.  Which made me wake up from the trance, so I could return to my husband and children, who I was thoroughly enjoying being with at the time.

I believe that this mode, however, of wanting to feel alive and of wanting to feel individual is just part of the worldly process that shapes us.

We are born into the world with ambition, with a willingness to grow, to prosper and thrive, to fight for survival, and to interact with all other elements of our existence in order to do these things, and especially, to explore relationships.

This is how I believe the god force has fun through us, and with itself.  It creates challenges to explore, and we are the pieces on the cosmic chess table.

Yet I believe we are also the god force moving the pieces on that table.  It is us, playing with ourselves through this divine thought process.

For me, it is us imagining scenarios and playing them out.

And that is the only way I believe we are really separate.

In the manifestation of all the levels of reality, I feel that the same challenges apply.  There may be different scenarios to deal with, and different character applications, but the same effective schism between what appears to be and what is applies, whether you are human or a divine being.

So even those who are enlightened or who are divine beings manifesting in human form, can temporarily feel lost in the play.

When Jesus was crucified on the cross, he is said to have cried out ‘Why hast thou forsaken me?

When buddha sat under the bodhi tree looking for enlightenment, he did so because he had reached a state of despair that seemed to have no answers.

When the gods and goddesses churned the cosmic oceans with the asuras and demons, they, too, forgot the cosmic reality and got caught up with the physical expressions of their own level of reality.

So Dhanvantari arrived with the amrita, which was not a pot of elixir enabling immortality__in truth, it was a reminder that all is not what it appears to be, and that, being the elements of the god force that they were, they were never impotent and were always immortal.

The only thing that they had to learn to deal with, then, was the knowledge that they were in a process of the game play, and that all game play eventually comes to an end.

In our human world, sometimes this cosmic game play only comes to an end when our lives come to an end.

But for me, embedded in all existence is this knowledge of the god force and how it expresses itself through us.

In my belief, all existence is the expression of the god force, for better or worse.

In all such existence I believe, as elements of the god force, there is an  inherent mode for change.

Dhanvantari also expresses this mode because he is also known as the healer of the gods, and the father of ayurvedic medicine.

Ayurvedic medicine is an ancient art of finding the spiritual element in plants and mineral elements, that can help to readjust the spiritual element in ourselves, and therefore lead to physical healing.

Like the amrita, ayurvedic medicine is a knowledge of the divine that is embedded in our physical reality__because no matter what game play we are embroiled in, the belief remains that the essential god force is always present.

Therefore, by referring to that underlying and inherent factor, I believe we can realign ourselves and our lives.

We may not be able to change the game in play, though.

Buddha‘s physical body got old and died.

Jesus‘ body was put to death on the cross.

When the Vedic gods went to Vishnu and asked for their power to be restored because the demons had usurped it, they were simply told to wait things out, because this is the nature of things__nothing lasts forever.

It seems that even gods and goddesses, and the enlightened, can become caught up in the nature of their physical existence, and in the assailments that come to them in that existence.

Illness and assailment seem to come to anyone in any form and on any level of manifesting existence, no matter how pure of heart or mind they are, or how much they do to keep themselves healthy and peaceful__even to gods and goddesses manifesting in transcendent realms.

And even though the god Shiva is said to have consumed the poisons of the cosmos that were created from the struggles between the gods and demons during the churning of existence__he, too, remained marked forever by the blue of that poison. (So long as he incarnates as the god, Shiva, anyway).

It seems that such threads being explored by the creative god force just need certain things to happen, and those things can feel very bad to us, and can have a very bad apparent effect on our incarnating lives, and even on the lives of those incarnated in divine realms.

I’m not saying that good effects never happen, but I am focusing on the bad stuff that undermines us, here, so please go with that flow.

Nor am I saying at all that, since we have little control over what happens to us, those who are inclined to do bad things should be allowed to do so without resistance.

Remember that Vishnu says that all things are cyclic and all modes come to an end, so there is a time for reckoning and adjustment at the end of each phase.  Bad modes will always be adjusted by good ones, even as good ones can temporarily be assailed by bad ones.

On a more human level, I have taoist friends who still take umbrage against buddhists because of the political turmoil between them, and because of dogmatic differences.

Yet, in the expression of taoism, it is said that we are all on par, all equal, and all part of the flow of life, of whatever is, and so all elements of creation should be met equally and with aplomb__and still my friends sit in opposition to the buddhists and shudder when buddhist images are shown to them.

Even the most enlightened of us can therefore become too embedded in the reality of our game play.

The picture on this page is of a brass statue of Dhanvantari that I have on one of my altars at home.  He reminds me of my divine self.

This is not about promoting myself as being better than anyone or anything else.  It is simply an enablement.

Because by remembering my inner truth, and the truth of my existence on this planet, I can align better to the game play.

I can remember that the processes of what is happening to me, that rattle and assail me, and that seem to be causing damage or awful situations is part of the game play.

In remembering my inner truth, I can understand that such processes are not me.  They are not part of me.  They are only what is affecting my body and the life surrounding my body.

I never have to let them into my soul if I choose not to.

And in not letting them into my soul, I am not letting them affect my attitudes or self-aligned modes.

And I can remain detached even in the thick of it.

And I can remain accepting even of the fate of it.

This what I believe is amrita, the gift of the god force that is present in all elements of existence.  It is a knowledge of divine truth and it’s ceaseless immortality.

Finally, part of my daily mantras are om ma ni pad me hum and om namo bhagavate vasudevaya.

These are important to me because they reveal two basic keys to living – may all beings be happy, and may the joy of god be manifest.

Whatever happens in life, we can still know happiness and joy, simply by realigning our attitudes.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine.

Extraordinary Ordinary Things

Image courtesy of
Image courtesy of

I had to go to hospital for some tests, recently, and had biopsies taken from some intimate regions.

The hospital was quite far from where I live but I had been there once before, over a decade ago, when I had a different operation done and stayed a few days.

In the consulting doctor’s rooms, I was introduced to a nurse who would help me for the day.   An older woman, like myself, she took one look at me and said, “hello, I know you”.

I said, “well, that would have been a very long time ago, since the last time I was here was over ten years ago”.

She said, “yes, I have been here that long, sadly”.

I replied, “why sad?   You’re lucky to have had a job that long, these days”.

And she passed a comment to the doctor, saying, “there it is”, as if that remark framed me.

As the minor operation I was having continued on, I did my usual camaraderie, making jokes and talking through the small ordeal and  pain – and the nurse made a few more comments, saying “and now it escalates…”  With a smile, so I felt that she knew and approved of me.

It was an odd thing, to see such recognition in someone who was a relative stranger.   I realized that something in me or something about me had resonated with her all those years ago, and she never forgot.

I thought of how I go through my life a lot of the time feeling that no one really notices me, and that I could be easily forgotten if I just disappeared.   And yet, if I am honest, there have been other moments like this, where people who have seen me extremely rarely, have yet remembered me.

I think it does take something extraordinary to happen for someone to embed a memory like that, even if it is in small moments.   And that thought gave me a refreshing view of myself that I really needed right now.

In life, we often move through the small moments feeling like nothing much is happening.   It is easy to think that there is some kind of dearth because events are mundane and not exciting, or slow and not seeming to make much progress.

You can easily forget the blessings that really do surround you or that fill your life and heart so well, because you are concentrating so hard on what you feel is missing.

In yearning for what you don’t have or can’t get, you can far too easily take for granted what you do have.

Even before this extraordinary minor event happened to me, I had begun to realize just how much I was not paying enough respect in my life, to my surroundings, to the people standing by and with me, to the pets that fill my heart, to the projects that delight me even while they are hard work, and to the kudos I earned in the past that I have shelved because they were in the past.

I had already begun to make a more concentrated effort to remember my past achievements and to give myself the kudos I deserve, again, and to honor more clearly the real blessings that fill my heart and environment.

It is just so easy to forget when you are concentrating on getting things or getting somewhere or someone.

Fact is, when you do that, you are not actually activating any law of attraction.   When you pray for such things, you are actually activating a law of dearth, because the aura given off by such prayers is one of lack.

So I have seriously been making an effort to remember how well blessed I am.   I know that there are people or things missing in my life, and goals I have not yet achieved, but the truth is that I am very well blessed with what I do have.

I am now allowing myself to feel those blessings, and saying out loud how well I am blessed.   And then, if I do get anything else I desire, they are just bonuses on top of the blessings I already have.

The change has been remarkable.   I have felt more energized than I have felt in a long while, and new small blessings are popping up regularly, as if the cosmos is saying, “now that she appreciates what we have already given to her, we will let her have some more…”

And the nurse’s recognition and appreciation of my jokes and character was just another of those new small blessings.   It really made my day.

We are not ever really alone, no matter how much we think we may be.   We are not ever really as low as we think we are, because the world truly is a beautiful place, no matter what travails we are going through at the time.

The gift of life is something to be treasured and savored, not passaged through as if time has no end and can be wasted in fruitless yearning.

Life is full of extraordinary ordinary things.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine