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A Beautiful Life


I see God as a Creator entity and, as such, one that is reflected somewhat in myself, since I, also, am a creator.

After I create things, I am often fascinated by how they take on a life of their own.

As a creator, I have a nebulous idea of what it is I want to create, and as I work with that idea I can see where things are going and how they will pan out.

As you may know from previous essays I’ve written with a subject of God in them, I view all Creation as having been thought of and emerged from God’s Mind.  For me, God dreams, or God thinks, the Cosmos into being.  And we, as elements of those Cosmos, are also thought into being.

Using the ‘As Above, So Below‘ motto, and its vice versa – God is a Creator like me, and I am a creator, too – it’s moot to think that God also only has a nebulous idea about what It wants to create, and just works with ideas and sees how they pan out.

I believe that God, too, is absolutely fascinated in how what It creates takes on a life of it’s own.

If you’re wondering how such a thing would manifest, then think on how we humans each assess artworks differently, or read novels with widely varying points of view or assumptions.

Often, the artist or writer doesn’t even have the observer’s ideas or feelings about their work, but will still be fascinated to know these interesting results, which represent how the work has taken on a life of it’s own.

When I am creating a work, and still have my hand on it, the work can begin to take on a life of it’s own even before I have finished – and that is not always a ‘good‘ thing.

Sometimes, that is not a direction I really want my work to be taking.  Or perhaps it is just not ‘coming to life‘ in the way I wanted it to.

This is also how ‘bad‘ things can happen in a Universe that God created – not because God intentionally made them that way, but because once the work was created, it took on a life of it’s own.

For me, then, if the piece I am working on does not feel quite right, I tend to add a bit more (rather than ‘take away’) and suddenly the piece feels ‘good’.  

This can be as simple as placing a couple of dots near the corner of a person’s eye in their portrait, that turn a flat stare into a character ‘twinkle‘.  Or it can be the addition of a few words to a written paragraph, that turns an obscure thought into a clarified one.

Taking away and cleaning up are not always the solutions to a brilliant outcome.  Sometimes, addition is the key.  You just have to consider what it is that needs to be added.

Perhaps, like myself, when things don’t seem to be working for God, It also adds elements in the hope of a better result.

I think God adds elements far more often than it ever ‘cleans up‘ or ‘takes away‘, though of course those modes are also possible.  Let’s face it, God is not only the Creator but also the Destroyer.  What God brings into being, God can take away, as the saying goes.  But if you look at the extreme variety of creatures manifested on Earth, alone, and then consider that this extreme variety is probably manifested in the many layers of dimensions and the multiple realities of world upon world, then God appears to have been very busy at adding elements.

Now, as an artist, I know that there are times when an artwork doesn’t seem to be working out, no matter what I do to it – especially with certain types of materials.  Like an oil painting – there is only so much you can do to fix an oil painting before it becomes obvious that you just have to give up on what you were trying to ‘bring through‘ and paint over the whole shebang.

It’s possible, even probable, that God has painted over shebangs many times in It’s existence.  But if you consider that It is a Being who really likes to fix things, and has aeons long history of adding elements, far more than taking them away, then this poses a picture where God is working like mad as a Creator to make ‘bad‘ things ‘good‘ right now.

In our lives, there are often times when ‘bad‘ things don’t seem ever able to be made ‘good‘.  You do everything you can, just so you have covered every possible action or mode, and they still don’t seem to work out.

In modern times, the common mode in such cases is to ‘walk away‘ from such things and begin again without them.  But in my case, and I believe this is God‘s case, too, even as I feel I have to put up with such scenarios while I am unable to do much about them, my mind and heart is constantly working behind the scenes on possible solutions, and waiting for an opportunity to arise to try them out.

For God, this has precedence.  In many spiritual scriptures of varying faiths, there are often stories related to ‘dark times’ or times when nothing could be done against what seemed to be a surge of ‘evil‘ in the world – but God knew that the laws of physical reality meant that all moves in cycles, and that change was inevitable.  So all God had to do was wait things out and eventually things would change enough so that God could insert those solution elements and move It’s Creation into happier states of existence.

You can tell that I don’t align with a God force as defined in some scriptures, that feels a need to destroy the world as payback to an erring human race.

My God simply doesn’t need to do that.  It knows very well that humankind is a blink in the reality of Time, and all It needs is to wait and something else will eventually replace them, if It really felt that way about them.  Which I also don’t believe since, as a Creator, God loves all Its creations.  And that is something I know of, too, as an artist.

Good‘ or ‘bad‘, maybe I don’t like some pieces as much as others, but every piece I create has an element of me in it and a piece of my heart.  Which is why when one doesn’t work out, I try so hard to fix it.

When it comes to life situations, especially with other people, I have long had similar modes.  I invest a piece of my heart in every relationship I have been intimate with.

(That intimacy is just the closeness I felt, and the modes of opening up that I had with those people, not necessarily sexual).

And when those relationships become ‘troubled‘ or go ‘up end‘, my artist self tries very hard to fix things (sometimes with more passion and noise than people can take, but that’s the artist in me – my ‘force of nature’).

The trouble is that in some relationships, or in some circumstances, the fixing seems so impossible that a sense of suffering sets in.

I find myself wondering why the other person can’t see things differently, or is not willing to try different modes – because I can clearly see solutions and possibilities, and I don’t understand why they are giving up – especially when the heart has been involved.

I find it hard to understand how people can ‘hurt your heart’ so much, when they said and showed they cared.

So when such things happen, I go through extreme ‘gut churns’, sometimes for a very long time.

My mind finds it hard to let go, and I re-examine every ince of the circumstances, over and over, to try to find out why and what exactly happened.

That mode, again, is the artist in me, trying to make things better.  But it’s a painful experience, and if I dwell in those modes too long they can undermine me – especially where no solutions are possible at the time, or even in the forseeable future.

Sometimes, all you can do is let go and move on with your life.

I know this seems to be easy for modern humans, especially those of younger generations, these days, but this mode has never been easy for me, nor for others of my generation who were brought up to believe in making the best of things, in recycling things rather than throwing them out, and in taking pride in the craftsmanship of making things work.

Ultimately, if I dwell in such modes for too long, it is I who needs healing.  My spirit becomes assailed by the sense of hopelessness, ostracization, and rejection, even when there is so much else going on in my life and so many others who bring blessings with them.  The artist in me just hates letting go.

Luckily, I am also a healer, and I can heal myself.  It does take focus and effort, though, because these painful modes of not giving up are well embedded.  But with greater effort and some ritual, I am able to realign.

You can probably tell at this stage that I have been undergoing some very painful experiences in my life for a while now.

Like God, I have not been still whilst such things are going on, but have continued to ply my life and be creative, as always.

Fact is, as pain became more resident, my creativity has stepped up.  That creator part of me has been madly trying to restore beauty and wonder and magic in my life, and to fix the ongoing problems causing the pain, even if certain elements are still not ‘coming to the party‘ any more.  But despite my best efforts and an outflow of creative manifestation, the ‘gut churns’ kept coming, and I kept having moments of utter misery.

Now, looking at God, again, imagine that this Creator is also feeling utterly miserable because no matter what It does to try to fix things, or how much artistic creation is added to the equation, what It wants to fix is simply unable to be fixed at this stage.

God being miserable?  That’s a new concept, isn’t it?  But it’s a thought that popped into my mind as I was doing my special rituals to help myself, recently.

I have been intensifying my mantras and prayers, and doing deep meditation and ‘sending‘ in order to heal others and the world around me – because I really seemed unable to heal what was happening in my own life, with others I was once close to.

So I thought, I will just create my own world, bring the type of world I enjoy living in into being, and will send out joy into the world to make it a happier place, and will send out love and compassion into the world to help all beings be happy.

These are, of course, bottom line tenets of buddhism, taoism, and vedism.  But my prayers have intensified, and the results felt very good.

I’m not sure what is happening in the greater world, or with the others who caused so much pain but are no longer in my life, but in my immediate environment things have become lighter and more joyful, and the people I live and work with are happier.

There are some who visit me in spirit when I do these mantras and meditations, including some who died this year, who were part of the pain and trouble.  I realized that they came because of the intensity of love and healing being emitted, and because that emission encompassed all beings, everywhere, and on every level of reality, including theirs.  And I hope that they will be healed and can move on to a better state of existence.

While I cannot honestly forgive what they did, I am aware that all beings are fallible.  In a creative universe, how could that not be so?  Because flaws are part of the beauty of all Art.

So I am able to move on, and even while I may not forgive what happened I can put it in context and thereby put it aside as just being part of the processes of existence.

What surprised me during these rituals was that I found myself not only taking in the world and it’s creatures, and humankind, but also the supernatural levels, the gods, goddesses, and angels.

It struck me that forgiveness and mercy is not something that can ever be fully resident anywhere so long as people so completely classify and categorize and outcast those who have erred – and the supernatural ‘fallen‘ have been classified thus for aeons.

Perhaps, as in my own feelings toward others who ‘did me wrong‘, forgiveness is not always possible, but accommodation is.

If we are All elements stemming from the One being, or God, then ignoring or making outcast of any other element so completely is like an amputation.

Even though amputations may sometimes seem the best solution to a physical body, amputees can attest that a ‘phantom‘ remains, that keeps connecting to the missing part.

If so, then so long as we simply try to cut out such unwanted people or entities from our lives, as if they no longer belong, we will always be ‘haunted‘ by their ‘phantoms.’

I believe that even if an entity does need to be permanently removed, it should still  be treated with respect and consideration, because it is still another natural element of God’s existence.

Associate that mode with body parts, and think of yourself as the mouth and the one you want to get rid of as the arsehole.  The mouth may not want to kiss the arsehole, but it acknowledges that the arsehole has a purpose and belongs to the same body.

The trouble, however, in most cases of exile, appears to come not from the separation so much as the ongoing propaganda and slander, that sends curses through the ether to the amputated.

This is how we cultivate rebounding effects.  Because just as there is power in positive thinking, there is also power in negative thinking.

Every time we focus on the ‘bad‘ things or people in our lives, or that were once in our lives, we align to ‘bad‘ feelings.  That is the same ‘phantom‘ effect, and it has consequences.

Those consequences leave us feeling ‘bad‘ even after we think we have moved on and claimed a better life for ourselves.

So, when it comes to the supernatural ‘fallen,’ the same goes.  While we may not want their modes in our lives any more, or feel they don’t fit with our existence, they still deserve respect and consideration as do any  other elements of God’s body.

It struck me that God seems to have been focusing on the ‘bad‘ for far too long, and that this focusing on the ‘bad‘ may have made It, too, feel miserable.

Now, when a human artist feels miserable, the tone of the creation can change, and they might start creating things that are ‘dark‘.  But as an ‘oddballcreator, myself, who never creates ‘dark‘ things from the ‘dark‘ feelings I may be undergoing, I don’t believe God is one of those types of creators, either.

Whenever I have created things after painful episodes in my life, (or during them), they were even more superb in outcome than usual, because I use my creative skills to re-establish what is important to mebeauty, magic and a sense of healing.

But as I said before, when painful things keep happening, the ‘gut churns’, nevertheless, and even as the beauty and magic shimmers from these creations, I can still end up feeling miserable.

So this thought came to me that God is an artist just like me, trying so hard to re-establish the beauty and magic and sense of healing in our world, and trying to balance out the ‘darkness‘ that seems to be becoming rife in so many places – but, because It’s efforts have not stopped that ‘darkness‘, the pain of that apparent failure and it’s accompanying sense of hopelessness is making God miserable.  And when God feels miserable, we begin to feel miserable, too.

What is that misery?  It is a sense of despair or hopelessness, or of self-doubt and worry, that overrides everything that is beautiful and wonderful in our lives, even when everything otherwise appears to be blessed and good.

It is that lack of appreciation for what we have, and for what we have the potential to do, and a lack of gratitude for life, itself.

It gets ‘under our skin‘ and ‘deep into our hearts‘, and stops progress, and creates obstacles that may not even really be there.  And, in this way, it affects all life on planet Earth – because, these ‘pebbles in the pond‘ create ripples that spread outward to contact everything and everyone.

That was when I included God as a particular focus in my prayers – and myself.

Because I rarely include myself in such things.  I just feel that if I make all others or the world around me feel better, then I will feel better, and that is often the way – but it is also the way that I neglect myself.  I neglect my own needs, or neglect my physical well-being, even as I send healing to others.

And so I believe that God has forgotten to send healing to itself, too.   I believe God needs some healing and care.   As the saying goes, who heals the healer?

So now I am focusing on God in my mantras in a very new way – and helping God, too, ‘be happy.’

There’s no point cleaning the pond to gain crystal clear water if the source of that water is compromised.

If what God thinks, God brings into being – and therefore, as elements of God’s mind, we can also bring our thoughts into being – then thinking God into a state of happiness should have a good result for all.

This is the Power of Positive Thinking at an archetypal level. This is refreshing the Source.

Let’s all focus on joy, happiness, mercy, kindness and compassion, and stop thinking about the bad things or bad elements so much.

Let’s trust our inner artistic skills for dealing with whatever crops up when it does crop up, and not think about ‘bad‘ things until they actually happen.

Let’s get on with living a beautiful life.

Whenever I find my mind dwelling on the ‘bad‘ elements in my life, today, I deliberately put them aside.

I will deal with them when and if I have to confront them.  I have dealt with them before, so I know I have the gumption and skills to do it again, when necessary.

But for now, and for a better future, I will not think of them when I don’t have to.

I am going invest fully in my belief that life will get better, eventually, and that all I need to do right now is to live it with as much appreciation as I can.

I think God is going to do that, too.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine


photo courtesy of cepolina.com
photo courtesy of cepolina.com

It has been hot for days.  So hot that you could not leave a window open.  So hot that you had to keep the curtains shut wherever the sun shone in, to prevent heat getting into the house.

Yes, we have air conditioners, but they cannot cope with such heat, either.  They struggled to do more than circulate warm air in our open plan house.

Outside, the garden was wilting.  The trees were losing their leaves.  I decided to risk the water bill and give them a drink.  They sang to me, afterwards, but the song was brief.  The heat went on.

I remember when we had our feast of Beltane, not so long ago – the beginning of November.  We threw flowers into the pond, then, praying for rain, but it didn’t come.

With the heat of the days enervating us so much, and hating to see another drought take away my garden, I prayed for rain each night.  I woke this morning wishing for rain, a respite, a drink, at least an overcast day to stop the sun beating down on us.

I was home, alone, when it happened.  The heavens opened, and it rained.  These were not drops, they were strands, they were sinews and muscles of rain, falling from the heavens to pound down on everything below.

At first, I was happy.  My garden would have a good drink.  I was glad that I had watered, too, because the rain would now soak into the soil and not just run off the surface.  It would be a good rain, a beneficial rain.  But then it kept on raining.

I am used to the storms in our sub-tropical region being heavy at times, but they always pass in a very short time.  They’re usually over in ten to fifteen minutes, but this one went on.

Our home was built on a sloping block where the surveyors said there was a water flow in wet weather.  Not a stream, but where the water gathers and flows downhill when it rains.  So we installed many catchments and drainage pits and pipes to channel the water away into the storm water drains  but still, in heavy rain our laundry courtyard, which sits on the upper part of the land where the water first gathers, struggles with the water dammed by our house.

Each wet season we check the drains to clear them of leaves and debris.  Despite a lot of water gathering there, they cope okay, usually, but this time they didn’t.  Those muscles of water pounded down and the courtyard water levels kept rising.

They flooded the garden shed and climbed the wall of the house slab.  It was eight inches deep and still gathering.  I feared that it would enter the house.

The drains were blocked.  I tried to unblock them over their grilles but only two began to gurgle.  I couldn’t move the grilles with my bare hands, the water was too deep, the rain was too heavy.  I couldn’t think straight.

I’m out there in a long kaftan, prayer beads I had just made hanging at my neck, the tassels soaked and wet cloth clinging to my skin.  All around me, lightning flashed and thunder cracked the ether.

When the lightning lit up the air with a huge branch just feet away from me, I gave up struggling with the grilles and dashed back inside.  For the next hour, I sat on my knees at the laundry door, scooping leaves off one of the drains that was still draining – a small opening just outside the laundry door – always watching the water levels against the brickwork, wondering if this little drain would be enough.

It was monotonous work, became automatic.  But then, the beauty of the water struck me, its clarity (where it didn’t have debris floating in it), the purity of the rainwater.  I reached my hand into it, felt its beauty, its life.

I sat back on my haunches for a moment (not for long, because the drain kept clogging with more debris), and looked up at the grey sky, the rain pouring down, and felt the trees and plants singing.  They weren’t worried about my house.  They were enjoying the beneficence pouring down on them.

I realized that the prayer beads I had just made were a wood called Saptaparni, also known as cheesewood or Milkwood Pine.  It’s a hindu sacred tree, belonging to the divine couple, Shiva and Parvathi.  The wood exudes a milky sap like the milk poured on a lingam, denoting the virility of life.  It is said to purify the doshas, to enable Panchakarma, the cleansing and rejuvenation of the body, mind, and spirit, restoring balance and well being.

I remembered my piece on the Tandava, written here, as the lightning cracked again. The lightning reminded me of Shiva.

Here was the blessing I had asked for, prayed for.  How many others had prayed for the same thing?  And now the heavens had opened up, and a deluge came down.  It really was a bit too much.  I wondered if this was the beginning of another flood.  We lived through a grand flood in our city not that long ago.  It’s not something I want to do again too soon.

So what could I do?  I thought of my rajadeva, could he help?  I remembered his kiss from long ago, and so I relived it, sending him a kiss and asking him for help.  Then I thought, I am an element of the divine.  I am co-creator of my existence.  What do I believe in?  I began to gently blow air through my lips, imagining that I was blowing the clouds out to sea.  I began to wave my hands above my head, imagining that I was waving the clouds further away.

I heard the thunder crack, so close.  The lightning flashed, too near.  My son’s little dog, a shihtzu, sat beside me like a lucky pixiu, watching my endeavors, not phased at all.  I thought, calm the ether, calm the elements, and reached out healing into the air, into the sky.

There was no immediate result, so I kept on working, scooping away the leaves and debris, throwing it onto the garden bed in the old vegetable patch so it wouldn’t re-enter the water.  I thought that perhaps my metaphysical efforts were not valid, that magic like that would not work in such large scope.

Then I noticed that the rain seemed a little less heavy, that the water levels had reduced a couple of milimeters, and then that the thunderclaps were becoming more distant.

In minutes, the rain had eased.  I was able to take some time to try to clear the other drains again.  My son’s little dog bounced through the water as if she was in the shallows at the beach – happy, excited.

Was it a coincidence, or a confirmation of what I believed?  Was I mad or was I living my spiritual dimension?

It didn’t matter.  I realized that blessings must come from the laws that hold this physical realm together.  When I wished for rain, it came, but only when the physical conditions could climb to a level that enabled that rain – and then, those same physical conditions meant that the rain would be heavy and prolonged.  Such is life on planet Earth.

The aftermath left water in our walls, leaking all over the inside window sills for hours.  The drainage hole in the laundry floor, which  connects to the outside drain, did well up and flood the tiles.  But that was the worst of it for us.

I was exhausted, but actually happy that my garden got a drink.  Plus it had been so hot, and my saturated garb had made me refreshingly cool.

Others did not fare so well.  By the time my husband came home and was able to remove the grilles and clear the drains, climb on the roof and clear the gutters again (that he had done not so long ago) a neighbor was working with a chain saw, trying to remove a tree that had come down.

On the news, we saw that flooding had happened all over our city, taking away cars with it, and many trees came down.  The tandava had wreaked destruction, but had also brought life – like the monsoons of India.

The respite was only brief.  The rain has come back, but is now slow and steady.  I can only wait and see if the ground will become so saturated that it will flood, like the last great floods we had.  (Not so good).  And the weather report is for more rain in the days ahead.  If it wasn’t for fear of past floods, I’d see it as a blessing.  So I am choosing to see it as a blessing, and taking a wait and see attitude for whatever else may come.

In every moment of challenge, there is beauty to be found, if you look.  I enjoyed walking through the water in my bare feet.  I enjoyed getting so saturated in the rain.  I enjoyed watching the dog gamboling in the water.  I loved the way the water felt when I wove my hand through it.

Yes, it was hard work.  Yes, I was exhausted.  But what a wonderful and immediate way to reconnect with life, with nature, and with the divine.

A moment of blessing, for all that.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine