Tag Archives: destiny

And let the gods, too, be healed…


For a long time, now, I have been struggling with some personal issues that I have not been able to resolve.

When that happens, I tend to withdraw into the quieter recesses of my life and reach out less into the wider world.

It’s not that I become a recluse or hermit, because I still engage on practical levels, still do my work and ply my business, and still interact in small moments as I meet people in those activities, but generally I go into a mode where you could say that my mental and emotional interactions with most others outside of my intimate circle is on ‘standby.’

This is more about a process of realignment. 

When things are overwhelming and nothing can be done about them, outwardly, the only way you can really deal with them is internally.

But when your internal processes are full of pain, misery, perplexion, doubt, confusion, vacillation, ceaseless questions, etc., you cannot deal with such overwhelming things until you have first cleared the inner work area. 

And that means a need for inward focus and concentration.

It means an inner-dwelling, and withdrawing somewhat from the outer world to enable that self-examination and cleansing process.

This is the same sort of process that buddha used to find enlightenment.

The buddha, himself, became so perplexed and despairing at the futile results from his teaching efforts, at one stage, that he went and sat under a bodhi tree, determined not to move from his meditative pose until he either got some answers, or died.

I’m not quite ready to be that extreme, but I do know that the enlightenment the buddha received was simply that__life is ruled by certain embedded laws in the physical realm__that form the destinies of those incarnate in it__and which cannot be changed until the people involved in those destinies are ready for change. 

So the best thing you can do is to be merciful and compassionate toward those caught up on that worldly merry-go-round and just get on with the business of enjoying living.

For me, this mode is enabled because I have an eclectic spirituality that recognizes the creative force of god in all things, in all elements of creation, and in all people.

Now, I’m going to do a lot of talking about this god force, in the following essay, along with gods, goddesses, and supernatural entities.

I also have friends who are atheists, and they jack up whenever they hear the word, god, so let me say here that these words are just definitions used by humans to explain concepts.  You can call them whatever you like, so long as the end concept is the same.

For myself, I believe that this god force not only creates our physical universe, but the spiritual and transcendental universes, as well.

I believe it creates the many other dimensions of parallel reality to our own, and the many levels of reality above and below our own.

And I believe it creates all the inhabitants and consistent elements of any of these, inclusive of gods and goddesses, devas, devis, asuras, demons, and elemental entities.

My god is neutral in all areas of its manifestation.

Because it is the beginning and the end of all manifestation, and the source of all existence, I believe it refers only to itself when it creates.

For the god force I believe in, there is no black or white or shades of grey, in such matters__there only is what is.

This is no different to how any artist in any medium might express themselves.

Just because a painter might paint a ‘dark‘ subject matter, or a film maker might produce a ‘horror‘ story, does not necessarily reflect on their soul or inner purity.

It is usually for them just a creative expression which examines such a subject or a story thread, and so it is for the god force I believe in.

The trouble I see in this, for us, is that we are the subject matter, and ours is the story.  We are the elements of this creation.

This means that, caught up in the inherent rules that hold our reality together, we are embedded in the process of that examination, and so the bad stuff affects us as much as the good stuff does.

For the god force I believe in, however, none of this matters in the end because, like a replicator machine on a Star Trek spaceship (or like one of the artists I previously mentioned), it just pulls in the matter it was experimenting with when it is finished with it and recycles it into something new.

That is akin to us examining our thought processes, discarding what is useless or obsolete, and capitalizing on what remains to forge a new thought process.

In our physical reality, though, I believe we are the thought processes of the god force, feeling and living as apparently separate entities.

And as those apparently separate entities, we don’t want to just suffer and be discarded, because that feels meaningless to us.

Such modes feel like our life has no purpose other than as a plaything or as an experimental expression of the god force.

Spiritually, the truth I believe in goes something like this__we are the god force__so we are never lost, we are never non-existent, and we are never discarded.

When you are struggling with the storyline of your life, however, and dealing with what definitely feels real and assailing, it is extremely difficult to align yourself with such a concept.

The absolute and only way to deal with it is to recognize the schism between reality and spirituality.

Even the Tibetan Dalai Lama has expressed this mode in reference to his own life, where he admits he is both a human being, with all the flaws and failings that may go with that incarnation, and an enlightened spiritual being.

On some days, he says he gets pissed off if the radio is not playing his favorite channel, or he tells of how he used to get jealous seeing his brother riding a bicycle when he was a kid and he was forced to study.  Yet he is also an enlightened being who can key into the truth of the cosmos whenever a question is put to him, providing answers to those who ask.

This is what I believe to be the nature of the reality we live in.

It is what I believe is the nature of any level of reality__even the levels of reality where the supernatural live__the levels of gods and goddesses, etc.

In my estimation, we are both expressions embedded in the reality created and the god force creating it.

I believe we are both human and god.

This is why I feel that our human lives can be so frustrating, because it takes a lot of enlightenment, or awakening in the mind of the cosmic divine, to make the flexible adjustments necessary to be able to deal with that apparent truth.

Most people don’t seem able to.  And religion doesn’t seem to help them to, because religion is usually about aligning people to a notion that god is a distant figure, a figure to worship and kowtow to, and a figure to honor as being separate to oneself.

Yet, if we are god and all is god and we are the recyclable expressions of god, then we are never distant from god and never separate.  We are god, itself.

In the Vedic stories of the creation of our universe, the gods and goddesses and demons all churned the milky oceans of the cosmos to bring our reality into being.

In the process, they got caught up in the endless struggle between good and badgods and demons.

They got caught up in their own level of ‘reality‘, that seemed to be an endless fight for the upper hand.

The god force decided to alter the game play and sent in an element of itself called Dhanvantari (pronounced dah-hun-vun-tar-ay).

Dhanvantari came bearing gifts, including the nectar of immortality, or amrita.

Now, as human beings caught up in our own story telling, when we talk of immortality and elixirs that enable it, we usually think only that it means living forever.

But if you put aside those stories and concentrate on the spiritual truths I referred to__the god force is already immortal, and all elements of it are therefore already immortal, and so we, too, are already immortal.

We’re just not immortal in our present incarnation or in our worldly expression as a human being.  We’re only immortal as recycling elements of the god force.

The only reason that such a notion seems to pain us is because we like to think of ourselves as completely separate entities, with free will to be and do whatever we want to be.

We don’t really like the concept of being swallowed up into some greater being that rules over us.

To define this, I remember going into a trance mode in my shower many years ago (odd place, I know) and seeing a vast wonder of (what I can only describe as) an orgy of slithering cosmic energy slugs in a rainbow of colors.

I ‘knew‘ that this thriving and burgeoning energy was the god force in motion, creating.  And I felt that if I stood there watching long enough, I would be absorbed into those colors and become part of them. And that thought made me feel panic that my life may about to be over.  Which made me wake up from the trance, so I could return to my husband and children, who I was thoroughly enjoying being with at the time.

I believe that this mode, however, of wanting to feel alive and of wanting to feel individual is just part of the worldly process that shapes us.

We are born into the world with ambition, with a willingness to grow, to prosper and thrive, to fight for survival, and to interact with all other elements of our existence in order to do these things, and especially, to explore relationships.

This is how I believe the god force has fun through us, and with itself.  It creates challenges to explore, and we are the pieces on the cosmic chess table.

Yet I believe we are also the god force moving the pieces on that table.  It is us, playing with ourselves through this divine thought process.

For me, it is us imagining scenarios and playing them out.

And that is the only way I believe we are really separate.

In the manifestation of all the levels of reality, I feel that the same challenges apply.  There may be different scenarios to deal with, and different character applications, but the same effective schism between what appears to be and what is applies, whether you are human or a divine being.

So even those who are enlightened or who are divine beings manifesting in human form, can temporarily feel lost in the play.

When Jesus was crucified on the cross, he is said to have cried out ‘Why hast thou forsaken me?

When buddha sat under the bodhi tree looking for enlightenment, he did so because he had reached a state of despair that seemed to have no answers.

When the gods and goddesses churned the cosmic oceans with the asuras and demons, they, too, forgot the cosmic reality and got caught up with the physical expressions of their own level of reality.

So Dhanvantari arrived with the amrita, which was not a pot of elixir enabling immortality__in truth, it was a reminder that all is not what it appears to be, and that, being the elements of the god force that they were, they were never impotent and were always immortal.

The only thing that they had to learn to deal with, then, was the knowledge that they were in a process of the game play, and that all game play eventually comes to an end.

In our human world, sometimes this cosmic game play only comes to an end when our lives come to an end.

But for me, embedded in all existence is this knowledge of the god force and how it expresses itself through us.

In my belief, all existence is the expression of the god force, for better or worse.

In all such existence I believe, as elements of the god force, there is an  inherent mode for change.

Dhanvantari also expresses this mode because he is also known as the healer of the gods, and the father of ayurvedic medicine.

Ayurvedic medicine is an ancient art of finding the spiritual element in plants and mineral elements, that can help to readjust the spiritual element in ourselves, and therefore lead to physical healing.

Like the amrita, ayurvedic medicine is a knowledge of the divine that is embedded in our physical reality__because no matter what game play we are embroiled in, the belief remains that the essential god force is always present.

Therefore, by referring to that underlying and inherent factor, I believe we can realign ourselves and our lives.

We may not be able to change the game in play, though.

Buddha‘s physical body got old and died.

Jesus‘ body was put to death on the cross.

When the Vedic gods went to Vishnu and asked for their power to be restored because the demons had usurped it, they were simply told to wait things out, because this is the nature of things__nothing lasts forever.

It seems that even gods and goddesses, and the enlightened, can become caught up in the nature of their physical existence, and in the assailments that come to them in that existence.

Illness and assailment seem to come to anyone in any form and on any level of manifesting existence, no matter how pure of heart or mind they are, or how much they do to keep themselves healthy and peaceful__even to gods and goddesses manifesting in transcendent realms.

And even though the god Shiva is said to have consumed the poisons of the cosmos that were created from the struggles between the gods and demons during the churning of existence__he, too, remained marked forever by the blue of that poison. (So long as he incarnates as the god, Shiva, anyway).

It seems that such threads being explored by the creative god force just need certain things to happen, and those things can feel very bad to us, and can have a very bad apparent effect on our incarnating lives, and even on the lives of those incarnated in divine realms.

I’m not saying that good effects never happen, but I am focusing on the bad stuff that undermines us, here, so please go with that flow.

Nor am I saying at all that, since we have little control over what happens to us, those who are inclined to do bad things should be allowed to do so without resistance.

Remember that Vishnu says that all things are cyclic and all modes come to an end, so there is a time for reckoning and adjustment at the end of each phase.  Bad modes will always be adjusted by good ones, even as good ones can temporarily be assailed by bad ones.

On a more human level, I have taoist friends who still take umbrage against buddhists because of the political turmoil between them, and because of dogmatic differences.

Yet, in the expression of taoism, it is said that we are all on par, all equal, and all part of the flow of life, of whatever is, and so all elements of creation should be met equally and with aplomb__and still my friends sit in opposition to the buddhists and shudder when buddhist images are shown to them.

Even the most enlightened of us can therefore become too embedded in the reality of our game play.

The picture on this page is of a brass statue of Dhanvantari that I have on one of my altars at home.  He reminds me of my divine self.

This is not about promoting myself as being better than anyone or anything else.  It is simply an enablement.

Because by remembering my inner truth, and the truth of my existence on this planet, I can align better to the game play.

I can remember that the processes of what is happening to me, that rattle and assail me, and that seem to be causing damage or awful situations is part of the game play.

In remembering my inner truth, I can understand that such processes are not me.  They are not part of me.  They are only what is affecting my body and the life surrounding my body.

I never have to let them into my soul if I choose not to.

And in not letting them into my soul, I am not letting them affect my attitudes or self-aligned modes.

And I can remain detached even in the thick of it.

And I can remain accepting even of the fate of it.

This what I believe is amrita, the gift of the god force that is present in all elements of existence.  It is a knowledge of divine truth and it’s ceaseless immortality.

Finally, part of my daily mantras are om ma ni pad me hum and om namo bhagavate vasudevaya.

These are important to me because they reveal two basic keys to living – may all beings be happy, and may the joy of god be manifest.

Whatever happens in life, we can still know happiness and joy, simply by realigning our attitudes.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine.

The Power of Prayer

Praying Hands by Albrecht Durer - altered by Lilipily Spirit
Praying Hands by Albrecht Durer – altered by Lilipily Spirit

I have an eclectic spirituality.  My modes of connecting with the divine are mainly pagan and include self-styled forms of neo-druidism, buddhism, yogic tantrism, and new age philosophies that I have followed for nigh on forty years, though I was brought up as a non-practicing christian.

Each of these paths has elements that align to what I believe about the divine cosmos, deep inside myself.

Mostly, though, of late, I have been pragmatically accepting that life can be an extremely challenging event, with so much that is outside my control going on.

So, I’ve been pondering the actual effect of prayer and it’s validity.  Which is a bit of a crossroads situation, given that I am a fervent believer in the power of prayer and divine assistance.

This points to my eclectic spirituality.  There are always cross checks and balances to be accommodated, that ensure that what I believe in really fits with me and how I want to operate.  That way, I keep my spiritual integrity.

With my belief that all that exists comes from ‘God’s mind’ – manifesting from ‘God’s thoughts and dreams’ – and is what it is only because these are the ‘threads of exploration’  God is focusing on – it sometimes seems that I have no real power over what happens to me.

For me, in those instances, fate or destiny (which is the thread from God’s mind)  is at work.

This idea can be very confronting.

In  that idea, I have no value beyond what God deems is necessary in its explorations.

The buddhists call this the ‘nothing.’

It is the acceptance that, in truth, nothing exists because we are all just ‘figments of God’s imagination’.

That concept can be helpful to pragmatically align your place in the universe, to understand that there’s no point getting too upset about what happens to you or others because you are not actually ‘real‘ but just think you are ‘real.’

Vedists call this the ‘maya‘ – the ‘illusion of reality’.

In both buddhist and vedic modes, this concept sets up the scenario of compassion  for their fellow beings – for those who are caught up in the woes of their lives or the tragedies inflicted by the natural world because they do not have the enlightened awareness  of the ‘nothing‘, and can therefore suffer unnecessary pain and emotional conflict.

Such compassion comes from different roots for buddhists than for vedists (e.g, hinduism).

Vedic compassion is about fostering a better understanding of the state of life so that spiritual evolution can occur.  For them, spiritual evolution is about attaining eventual cosmic ‘Nirvana‘ or ‘heaven’.

For buddhists, having compassion is more about feeling sorry that those who are suffering don’t realize they are Gods who can inherently control how much they suffer, and giving them practical sympathy.

(When buddhists say that they are Gods, they are simply stating the cosmic facts as they know them – that, as ‘figments of God’s imagination’, they are ‘elements of God’ and are therefore ‘aspects of God’).

By aligning themselves to the concept that they are God (in its aspects), they give value to their existence and find a reason for being.

(In buddhism, everyone has an inherent ability to become a ‘buddha’ – by remembering the ‘divine truth’ of life).

For other spiritual modes, such as tantra and vedism, the challenges of life present an evolutionary classroom  that enables them to graduate to become a God, or at least attain the right to live with the Gods (in Nirvana).

Again, this gives ‘mere human beings’ something to hold on to as they face the challenges of life – that if they do the ‘right things‘ and act the ‘right way‘, they may earn their place in ‘higher levels of the cosmos‘.

It is a way of making spiritual sense of existence, too.

My own spiritual modes, being so eclectic, took some time to settle into what I believe, today.

I actually don’t believe so much in spiritual evolution as in an ‘unfolding of awareness.

Because I do believe that we are ‘figments of God’s imagination’ and only exist so long as God thinks of us, then I believe that being ‘part of God’s mind’ means we already know all there is to know.

If I am God  and God  is me, then I also have God’s inherent knowledge – (at least, when I merge into the ‘divine pool of God’s mind’, and stop consciously separating my ‘figment’ by applying it only to the tasks of my ‘reality’).

That belief is inherent with the idea that we are born into the world with challenges that must be met in order to peel away the layers of ‘forgetting’ to slowly reveal our ‘true cosmic knowledge’.

For me, God  enters into roleplays through manifesting our lives in its thoughts and dreams, and deliberately puts aside who and what it is so it can manifest those roleplays.

I believe this is how God  experiences itself, and how it explores the relationships and ramifications of its thought processes.

As it explores the ramifications, it attains new insights, and with each insight it realigns itself.  Which is when we become more connected and aware.

So, for me, I don’t believe it is necessary to spiritually evolve, because God is, was, and will be all it needs to be, and already has all the knowledge to do that.

(I mean this on philosophical levels, not physical or mental ones.  Spiritual evolvement in the world, that enables us to be better people during life, is different to the ‘cosmic levels’ of spiritual evolution known in buddhist, vedic or even christian lore, for instance.  It is more about working better on the ‘path of life’ than about advancing to higher stages of ‘cosmic existence’ once our bodies are no longer ‘vehicles for our spirit’.  I certainly believe in learning to be nicer people.  It makes the world a better place to live in).

On the other hand, it can be hard to be as pragmatic as buddhism  declares correct when so many challenging aspects keep arising in life that do upset and disturb the human psyche (and the very ‘real’ sensation of being solid and alive).

It’s not so easy, then, to align the knowledge of the ‘wider cosmos’ emanating from ‘God’s mind’ and it’s ‘threads of thought’, to the existence we know, living as ‘mere human beings‘ on a volatile planet.

Until those layers of ignorance peel away, we can do fierce battle with ‘reality.

That’s why christianity, islam, and more western types of spirituality made such headway into the human psyche, because they offered a different option – that we are not God, though we are physical creations of God – that as physical creations of God, we are like God’s children – and that, as God’s children, we can pray or ask for some better consideration than just having to ‘put up with our lot’.

That takes responsibility for our own lives and evolution out of our hands, and gives it over to a higher supervising force.

Western paganism, such as druidism and wicca, or even magick, also offer different options – such as that we are not Gods, but we can apply to the Gods for assistance because we are servants of the Gods and therefore accrue some rights for good service.

I’m not on par in my personal belief system with those options – but nor do I believe we are completely helpless against the vicissitudes of life, even if we are mere ‘figments of God’s imagination’.

The conclusion I reached was that, if all that exists is God, and we are ‘elements manifested by God’s thoughts and dreams’, then whatever we are, do, or say actually stems from God – good or bad.

(Yes, I did write ‘or bad’ but do remember I believe that for God we are just ‘figments of its imagination’, so you need to put that on the same level as you put errant ‘bad thoughts’.  In my mind, they are simply ‘explorations’ to God).

On the positive side, this means for me that, if we can pray and believe in prayer – if we can beseech and believe we have a right to beseech – and if we can ask for and occasionally receive miracles – then these modes are accepted elements in the ‘mind of the Divine’.

The fact that we can believe in and do the above – and that these things can happen in our ‘worldly reality‘ – means that they are ‘within the realm of possibility.’

That also means that there is a precedent for interaction with ‘God’s mind’  in such modes.

It means that prayer and magic and positive thinking, amulets and talismans and all such metaphysical things, may actually have some grounding as avenues for good results, so long as we really do believe in them or what we are doing with them.

For me, it means that, even though I am a ‘figment of God’s imagination’, if I can focus on my plights and ask for divine help to assuage them, then these are within my realm of possibility – just because I can do them, because I can pray and ask, and hopefully expect a response…

The fact that I can do these things means that some part of ‘God’s mind’ is focusing on them and manifesting their ability in my life.

Thus, results from the asking are also inherently within my ‘realm of possibility’.

While I may be part of the ‘nothing‘, as an ‘aspect of God’  I am ‘something‘ and do have import and energy that can create a better future for myself,  those I care for,  or things I care about.

This is also the measure whereby meditation has true effect.

By connecting with the ‘Divine source’ inside each of us, we can remove the focus on the ‘individual fragment of the Divine’ that we and our lives represent, and can refresh and renew our life paths by simply remembering that every cell of the ‘Pool of God’s mind’ is God – and God can do or be anything.

The key is in the ‘power of belief’ – and its persistent assertion.

That does, however, take effort.


Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine


Photo courtesy of publicdomainpictures.net
Photo courtesy of publicdomainpictures.net

I was married at the age of 18, after having run away from home to live with my future husband and surviving nearly two years together. That seemed a very long time for a relationship, then. Today, the saying goes “You don’t get that long for murder...”

Actually, I still love my husband very much. We have a relationship that is a tad volatile at times, but only when either of us are pushing a point. Most of the time, we have pretty much the same views on life, and we have a very great intimacy and friendship. I think those last two qualities are what gets any marriage through the long years.

When we first moved in together, no one expected our relationship to last.  When we did get married, there were many people who thought we only got married because I was pregnant, (…and yes, I was pregnant when we got married but we actually didn’t know that, then. We only discovered it when I was sick every day on our honeymoon, and were actually engaged and had set the date of our wedding for months before I got pregnant).

That’s not to say that the going has not been hard at times. We had separations in our past, trying to see how we could live without each other. We just couldn’t. When we were separated, something sort of died inside us. We had a far better life together than apart.

I have come to believe that my relationship with my husband was destined or fated. He’s also a Capricorn and I’m a Leo, and astrology says that such relationships are toned with kismet.  We’re both very strong-minded individuals and sometimes it can be a case of ‘too many cooks stirring the pot‘, as the saying goes, but if we hadn’t been able to work as a team we would never have made it this far.

My husband’s parents were married until the day his father died, well into his 70s. Twenty years later, his mother still considers herself to be married and expects to meet his father in the afterlife. Yet during the course of their long marriage, her husband was not particularly faithful.

That’s an interesting word, faithful.  In marriage, it pertains to the sexual content, but if you were to take that word in its context of commitment and deep attachment and intimacy, my father-in-law was extremely faithful to his wife. He was there for her in all ways a husband should be for his wife. (He just shared around a part of himself).

My mother-in-law knew what she was getting into when she married him. (She adored him, anyway). They also lived together for many years before they married, and had children during that early relationship. My father-in-law had been married previously and was a widower when he met my mother-in-law. Even so, his family did not approve of her because she came from peasant stock in Austria, whereas he was his uncle’s ‘considered heir‘ of a manufacturing business. He gave up all that for her. (I’m not surprised. She was ‘Heidi of the Mountains’, all grown up).

My own mother’s second marriage is still thriving today, too. She remarried when I was eight. My sister and I were flower girls at their wedding. It was an extremely volatile relationship in the early years. He was a sailor and spent long months at sea. I’m not sure they really had time to sort things out properly between them in the periods they had together before he had to go away again. They were also very young and she had been married before. She came to the relationship with two children who were no longer toddlers. It must have been hard.

In the early years of their marriage, we all suffered – my parents, my sister and I.  A lot happened and it was quite traumatic, but today I can look back on those times with maturity and experience, and put those events into perspective.  They really were just silly kids, at 23 and 24, and my sister and I were just ‘caught in the flak‘.  It wasn’t a good situation to be in but if you saw them today you would never believe they ever did the things they did then.  They are extremely devoted and committed to each other.  They are best friends.

All my children also married fairly young.  When my daughter married, we didn’t have a lot of money for a wedding.  All our savings had already disappeared in caring for our disabled son.  So I cobbled together a wedding dress for her out of my old ivory wedding dress and a beautiful gold ball gown that had belonged to my mother. (She was a larger girl than I was when I got married, though I’ve outstripped her, today).

The material was so delicate after so many years of storage that I had to sew every stitch by hand.  I also made her slippers out of leftover scraps, pricking my finger many times as I sewed on the harder soles. With a veil made out of my old veil and a new donut shaped head-dress covered in dangling fake pearls, she looked like a medieval princess.

I also made the wedding cake – not baked it but decorated it.  I was no cake maker, so instead we sampled dark fruit cakes from the supermarket for weeks before the wedding. Then, after finding the most delicious selection, I began basting it with brandy and later put on the traditional blanket of white icing with a marzipan underlay.  Having been heavily involved in theater in earlier years, I knew how to stage a production and make it look superb – and it was. (I later found out that many wedding cakes have flaws on the inside, that are cut away when they cut the cake into pieces. It is the outside of the cake that has to look superb).

The wedding was held in a garden rainforest, on an outlook dais near where two small waterfalls poured into a stream, creating a ‘lucky horseshoe‘ shape, and my years of singing in musicals paid off when I sang the medieval ballad of  ‘Where’er She Walks‘ as she and her bridesmaids traveled the path to the dais, and then the song of ‘Tara‘ from the movie ‘Gone with the Wind‘ after their vows were finished. (The words begin with ‘my own true love…’).

They had an afternoon tea reception at the gardens restaurant and their bridal waltz was a maypole type affair, with the bridesmaids and groomsmen binding the couple in white paper ribbons as they wove their dance around them.  It was a magical day, and encapsulated the bright spiritual moments that I believe a wedding should be. (My sons had different types of weddings, but each began with such hope and promise, bright smiles and commitment).

Sadly, not one of my children are still married today.  I know there were problems in each relationship but I thought that they suffered nothing worse than what my husband and I ever went through – upon reflection, though, I knew that it wasn’t easy to walk away from marriage.  Even if you are the one choosing to do so, it’s not an easy path.  Even if you know its the best thing for you and that your life thrives much better apart from the relationship, giving up on a marriage still leaves a mark. It still hurts.  While I never actually stayed separated from my husband, years ago, the separations we did have showed me just how much they hurt.

My children never had the opportunity to reform their relationships.  Their partners all moved on fairly quickly.  It was really awful to see the pain they went through, the loss of faith in themselves and in their world, and that awful sense of loneliness even when they were with others.  It hurt, too, when my divorced daughter saw myself and my husband holding hands, (even after our arguments), and said that we were lucky to have that sort of intimacy.  I may be old-fashioned, but I did wish my children a lifetime relationship of similar devotion – someone they could always rely on, no matter what.  Doesn’t every parent?

(I was glad that my children had a strong connection with the universe, at least, so that even as their hearts hurt they were able to keep aiming for fulfilment. The pain never kept them down for long).

When I consider marriage, I think of the vows taken. I’m not sure that some people take those vows seriously. It seems that for some it’s like signing a waiver on a contract that they know they have to sign if they actually want the goods being provided, but where they don’t really read the words of the contract and just ‘go with the flow‘ in order to get those goods.

I view marriages like adoptions. If I adopted a child, I would not turn my back on the child because it didn’t turn out the way I liked it, later. You don’t divorce your children. (Although this metaphor may not be completely sound, when you consider how many children ‘divorce’ their parents, today). So I believe in always trying to make things work out in my marriage.  For me, it really is the vow of ‘for better, for worse.’

This is just me.  It is part of the modes I have chosen to express in my lifetime.  I believe in love being able to conquer everything, and when it doesn’t quite get there, commitment will at least do the trick… In the cosmic scheme of things, however, I’m not sure that such intense commitments really matter.  After all, I also believe that we are only individuals because divinity chooses to create us that way.  In my view of spiritual truth, none of us are really separate from each other.  We are all ‘one in god‘.  We are all ‘connected as spirit’.  We are all ‘one spirit‘.

So why is it so damnably hard to let go?  Why is it so hard to give up on the old hopes and aspirations and expectations so that we can move on to something or someone new?  Why do we hurt so much when relationships end?

I think it is because of that sense of ‘coming home’.

In life, whenever we find a person who makes us feel comfortable and connected, it is a spiritual experience.  In that experience, we feel as if we are ‘more than ourselves’.

The same can happen from creative processes like forging a business or a project but those don’t always have the same intensity that a relationship brings to the equation.

I believe that in such relationships we find a memory of what it is to be completely ‘one with the divine‘. That is why it is so hard to let go and move on.  As individual human beings we often yearn for that ‘greater connection‘, to experience ‘oneness‘ again, and when we find someone who makes us feel ‘as one‘ with them, that relationship sparks off a deep internal memory of the ‘interconnection between all divine elements‘.

Wherever you connect with the divine, it’s not easy to let go.

People do move on with their lives after relationships have failed, though.  Yes, that is a matter of ‘have to‘ in many cases, but I believe it is also because of another divine truth – we are ‘all one‘, so others can actually fill in the gaps and make up the differences, too.

I’m not a great believer in singular pairs of ‘soul mates.’  I don’t believe there is only one person who can do that for us in any lifetime.  While we may be limited in time, scope, and circumstance in finding someone else to meet the need for partnership, I don’t believe that means that when the person we thought we would live the rest of our lives with (and imagined was our one and only ‘soul mate’) is gone, there can never be anyone else.  Being ‘one with the divine’ and therefore with each other, means that opportunities for ‘soul mateship’ are actually many.

Moving on effectively, and finding someone else (or something else), can only happen, though, when we let go of the old attachment so we can actually see the worthiness of new ones.

In a universe founded on the attraction law of ‘love’, it is obtainable anywhere and everywhere – so long as we are open to it.

(For me, love in this sense is the ‘energy of divinity’, which holds the universe together even through the dark and invisible – hence it is ‘attractive’).

I’m not looking to move on from my own marriage, these days. I long ago figured out how to live with my man, flaws and all. I realized that I can retain my individuality, my own opinions and attitudes, and forge my own path, even whilst staying married. The key for me was to remember that marriage is a friendship, my spouse is my family, and that it’s not just about attraction and not just about sex or procreation. (Although, both of those are wonderful, too!)  The latter elements can disappear over time, but commitment to friendship and family are as lasting as my decision to be committed.


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