Tag Archives: ill health

The Mantras of Old Age and Assailment

yoga frog
     I was having a very down day yesterday.  My autoimmune disorders were extreme and many things have slowed to a trickle because I am unable to keep up.
     Was feeling a bit sorry for myself and wondering, at this age, what the future held.
     Life is short and there are no guarantees.   Many of my relatives have already died at ages younger than expected, with different forms of cancer.
     Even my work has been affected, though the odd thing is that business has almost flat-lined of late, anyway, as if the universe thought I needed a break.
     It was never meant to be a one person show, anyway.  Started with a whole family in tow, but now most have gone their own ways.  I’m not sure what the future holds.
     So I rang my hubby at his other workplace, to talk about things for a bit, and as tears ran down my face a very weird (wyrd) thing happened…
     A lot of different birds began to gather and sing in the shrubs and trees backing our rear property line, which I can see from my bedroom window (where I was sitting at the time).
     They were singing en masse, and one kept calling out, as if asking all the other birds to join it.  (The others actually had gathered to the call of that one bird).
     It was so amazing that I went to the window to try to see all those birds, but they were well hidden in the foliage.   All I had was their voices, which were so obviously many different birds.
     The only other time I have heard birds like that, en masse, is when we had a python in our back garden, and they put out a cacophony to let me know so I could move it on.   But the song was different, this time.   It was quite uplifting.
     And then, a mass of crickets began to sing in the garden bed below my bedroom window.  (You have to understand that prior to all this song, the sounds outside were quite normal.   A bit of distant birdsong and some breezes rustling the leaves in the trees).
     It was then that I said to my husband that it was like the divine wanted to cheer me up, and had sent them to ‘knock me on the head‘ with this ‘mini miracle‘.   And once I spoke those words, the bird song and the cricket chorus practically ceased.
     I realized then that it was meant to cease as soon as I understood that it was a ‘message‘.
     It was not a coincidence.   It was something sent to uplift me, and so that I didn’t mistake it for ordinary, it ceased as soon as I understood that.  (And to make it even more clear, none of that happened again for the rest of the day).
     So after I ended the phone call with my hubby, I thought about that for a bit.
     I thought of how things like that happened a lot more in my youth, and so I then thought about being young, fit, and beautiful again, and of course, of how I am none of those things today.
     It was then that I realized that I was not living by my own tenets when it comes to reincarnation or the life of spirit as an inhabitant of the physical avatar of the body.
     I have given over my body and my self to the roleplays of the physical world, because today when I personally talk to others I call myself ‘old’.
     I list off my ailments and add my age to that equation, and then suddenly my world seems full of difficulties, and life seems very short.
     That is in complete opposition to the idea I espouse of being an immortal being who has lived countless incarnations, and who today lives a dichotomous existence within my human body roleplay.
     So I have put aside my own sense of immortality and regeneration, as I continually repeat these ‘mantras of old age’.
     I am not the only one to do this.  I see and hear others who are older do the same thing to themselves, over and over.
     We slot ourselves into the worldly roleplay of an older body living an older and more assailed and fragile life.
     Prior to my current health problems, I decided to use this ‘time out‘ period of my life to reorganize my home and business, to ‘clean up and clean out‘.
     My hubby, mature son and I got stuck into this agenda and achieved much on the first weekend we did it, but our bodies were suffering at the end of that effort.
     What was the first thing we declared?  ‘Oh, I’m getting old.  My body can’t do the things it used to.’
     Yet the fact is that even young people who are super fit and healthy, would struggle to recover at the end of such a large task and effort.
     The difference is not a physical one but a mental one.
     Most younger people tend to take a break when they’re feeling overdone.  Older people have an agenda they’ve set themselves, that they want to complete sooner rather than later because they have a sense of ‘time running out‘.   So they more easily over-extend themselves, and then their bodies find it a lot harder to recover from that over-exertion.
     Younger people may not have that problem because their sense can be of their ‘whole lives ahead of them.’   So they can take a break and feel like they have plenty of time to get back to things, later.
     (I know there are younger people who try to do too much, and then feel a physical rebound and emotional drain, too, but they usually have a greater sense of life ahead of them, still, than older people have to play with).
     So the problem with older people is not actually that they can’t do what they did when they were younger any more.  It is that they are too stubborn and have too much of a sense of lack of time, to give up and come back later.  They no longer ‘work with the flow‘.
     And then, when their bodies complain, and it takes longer than a few days to recover, they think it is because they are ‘old‘, and they think it is because they are ‘more fragile than they used to be‘.  And they declare that to anyone who will listen.
     Under those types of mantras, it is easy to forget the underlying truths of spirit in existence.   And it is easy to feel that your life is ‘not so important in the scheme of things‘, and that perhaps you are more ‘humble and dispensable‘ than you once thought.
     And then, the ‘message‘ came to me that I am not forgotten in the mind of the divine.   I have never been forgotten.   I have always been loved.   Because the divine does not focus on our outer appearance, nor on our physical condition or age.  The divine sees us at our core – into our inner self, and into the glowing spirit that animates us.
     I was ‘told‘ that it was never the divine that abandoned me.  Instead, I abandoned myself.   I gave up on myself.   I slotted myself into a ‘sense of dearth‘, into a feeling of ‘being compromised‘, and into a ‘lack of hope’.
     My body may be older, now, and my health is genetically disposed to disorder, but that does not mean I have to stop enjoying life and engaging with it.
     The body naturally dies, in time, but the spirit never has to.
     When my body dies, my spirit will reincarnate – that is my belief.   Yet I have overshadowed my spirit with the thought of endings, and of being ‘stuck‘.
     Every moment we are alive, we have the choice to savor life.
     Savoring life is not dependent on what is happening to our bodies, or on the outside influences we have no control over.
     Savoring life is an exercise of the mind and spirit, and is what brings a sense of connection with the divine into our mundane reality, as we realize just what miraculous beauty we are embedded in.
     My body is still inflamed today, but my attitudes have changed.   I am working with instead of going against ‘the flow‘.
     When my hubby came home last night, he had another story to tell, of a younger workmate he often meets with, who was overburdened by the pressures his boss had put upon him to meet a deadline.
     This younger man was feeling exhausted and assailed.  He felt under pressure to perform, but he was already giving his best.
     So my hubby passed on the sage advice that I had once given to him – to acknowledge the skills he has, to realize that he is already doing his best and that his boss actually does know that.   And to understand that even though the boss is under pressure from his own superiors to achieve a deadline, it is not in his best interest to push himself until he ails, and it is not in the best interest of his workplace for him to get sick.
     It is far better for him to maintain integrity and be whole, and to keep believing in himself, and then, as long as he serves well, that is the best that can be expected, so he can pull back a little, be easier on himself, and ‘go with the flow‘.
     The younger man left the discourse with my hubby in a lighter frame of mind.  And I was reminded of how often I give such advice to others, and yet find it hard to take it for myself…
     So, now I will choose to ride the quiet moments and not give up hope that the tide will change.   For if things were once faster and more intense, they will come to that phase again.   All I need to do is wait the current phases out.
     I obviously needed a break, anyway.
     For me, our bodies never die until the moment they are meant to.  What we forget is that our minds can override our spirit so that it can seem to die long before our bodies end.
     It all depends on what we focus on – the body, or the spirit.
     Without the spirit animating it, the body is nothing.  That is ‘zombie‘ living.  So why would we want to override the spirit with such a focus on our bodies, alone?  Why keep repeating those mantras of ill health, age, and assailment, that smother the spirit?
     With my family history, I am already older than many of my relatives were when they died, and edging toward the end date of some others.
     Some of them focused so much effort on their bodies, trying to extend the length of their lives and to fight off physical assailments, but what they did could not stop that end date.
     I do have a greater sense, now, of the need to capitalize on my own life, not necessarily for prosperity but for getting full value out of it by enjoying every moment I have as completely as I can.
     By whatever time I go, I hope that I will have lived a meaningful life until that end, filled with full appreciation of my moments.
     I am therefore thankful for this necessary wake up call.
And grateful that I can recognize those signs and omens by which the divine calls to us, that say I am still connected, and I am ever beloved.
Advertisements

Defragging the hard drive

Assailed, of late, with health problems that have made it difficult to complete tasks or find the motivation to get back to work at all.

Despite all that has gone before in the relatively long life I’ve lived, I still feel like a failure when I’m forced to rest, and then begin to have doubts about what the future holds – feeling powerless because there is no action beyond the daily mundane.

When in this state, I seek guidance.  Because in this state, meditation and mantras, prayers and wishes, don’t seem to be as effective.  So I wonder – where did I go wrong?  In what way can I do better?  How can I get through these problems or obstacles to keep forging a better state of life?

When the answers from that guidance arrive, they often surprise me.  I can tell you assuredly that they do not come from my own mind.  I could never have made them up.  I would not even have thought that way.  Their revelations are always interesting and informative, offering a different point of view.

My doctor is concerned about my health and struggling to come to terms with my insistence on trying to treat myself more assiduously with alternative therapies, first.  I asked what the medications she wanted to put me on would actually do and countered with the natural therapies I am now using, like hawthorn, arjuna, calcium and magnesium, which will do the same thing, but will take longer to take effect.

We’re keeping an eye on this process together, and I will accede to her medical intervention if something comes to crisis – but the guidance I received from spirit has definitely placed new slants on my modes.  It said that my body was going through a transformation – and that this was the reason for all the extra activity going on – the racing heart, the high blood pressure, the inflammation, and even the fragile emotions present.

Along with that message came an image of a computer hard drive defragmenting itself, and the constant ticking vibration of it rearranging information files and cleaning up bad disc areas.  That picture definitely aligns to the ever present palpitations I can’t seem to get under control, and the weird buzzing feeling that spreads from my chest to even the soles of my feet.

It’s an interesting idea, because before I got worried enough to go to the doctor and get things checked, I really thought my body was just going through some sort of healing process, manifested by my mantra rituals that had been especially concentrating on fixing problems in my life, of late.

If you know me, you know I believe in spiritual or metaphysical healing, and I do often use such healing techniques on myself, to help my own body ailments improve.  So it wasn’t odd for me to believe that the buzzing feeling was a higher vibrational energy that just seemed to be taking much longer to do its job.

A lot of separations have happened in my life relationships in recent years, and many I thought would be with me to the end of my days are now gone forever – some old, some young.  If I ever held hope of one day sorting things out with those people, I now have to acknowledge that hope seems to be finally lost.  So the image of the hard drive being cleaned up, and of irrelevant files or damaged ones being quarantined away so that the rest of the space becomes more useable is very relevant for me.

It’s human to doubt and become concerned, though.  Sometimes, pure faith is not enough.  Sometimes, destiny declares we are meant to be helped by others.  So when the buzzing continued, and palpitations joined them, and finally chest pains started popping, I sought the counsel of my doctor.

Tests my doctor has already completed on me show I am in fairly good health, though nothing can prevent sudden attacks that come out of the blue – and she likes to tell me that the physical things assailing me, nevertheless, are showing that such an attack would not be quite out of the blue.

Maybe they aren’t, but maybe that is just destiny.  Should I just trust my doctor and follow her modes, alone, when I do know the efficacy of natural therapy?

There are still doubts about my modes, because I don’t feel ready to die yet. Whoever is, at any age?

Two key figures in my early life, my mother and her sister, my aunt, both died in recent months, riddled with cancer, and both thought they would always live much longer than they did.  I thought so, too.

Death is therefore not something I feel I have real control over.  I believe it will come when it is meant to come, no matter what I do to prevent it.

My mother was having stem cell therapy well before they discovered cancer in her lungs.  Nothing she had done or did afterwards prevented it spreading to her brain and bringing inevitable death.

It is one thing wanting to live a healthy life.  It is quite another trying to cheat death.

So I am listening to my doctor but not yet trying her therapies.  (I did take modern medicine in the past, and had many unwanted or dangerous side effects).   I am going with my own natural therapies, for now, but keeping watch so that if things do get worse I can claim her backup.  And for now, I have to accept rest and attempt rehabilitation, and let time pass so that my natural therapies can do their work.

That’s how natural things work.  They take time.  They can’t be forced, and if you try to force them, there are often consequences to deal with.

It really does feel like defragmenting my hard drive.  Goodness knows, I’ve waited impatiently at times for my real computer to process a proper defragmentation of its hard drive, just itching to get back to work, and feeling frustrated that I had no choice other than to wait things out until the job was done.

And, when it is done in my own internal spaces, hopefully I will have enough life left to complete all the wonderful tasks I set myself.  There are so many, it will take a lifetime, too.  🙂

And if I don’t complete them before I die… well, I also believe in reincarnation, so mayhap I will catch up, then.

Blessings!
Lianne

Lilipily Spirit – Empower Your Life, Connect with the Divine